Fast break

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a substitute teacher. At this certain school there is a beautiful, sexy, gorgeous woman who I can’t help but stare at. I sub a lot at this school, and we often talk to each. I am a single man and we have lots in common. I dream about her day and night. I want her to marry me and have my children. Should I tell her how I feel?

_Lawrence, 41

Dear Lawrence,

Chatting frequently and getting to know each other a bit is a good start. But isn’t proposing marriage and children jumping the gun a bit? There is usually a courtship/dating period before matrimony is discussed. Be patient, Lawrence. Ask her out for coffee or something away from the school grounds. If she’s willing to see you in an environment other than work, you may have a chance.

RISKY BUSINESS

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I avoid getting into relationships. That is because I’m utterly convinced that my partner will cheat. I really don’t care if he checks out other women — men do that. But how would I know if he’s shacking up with someone calmer, smarter, more attractive, or wealthier than me? It seems that cheating is implanted in the minds of most men. How could I know if he is or would?

_Paranoid in Pawtucket

Dear Paranoid,

Any good relationship requires a great degree of trust. Trust is implicitly risky. You can’t have a relationship without taking some risk. In fact, there is risk attached to almost everything in life. You’re basically saying that you will deny yourself a valuable life experience because you are afraid of a painful consequence. Most people at one point or another enter into relationships. Maybe you will get cheated on, but that will help you understand what not to look for in a long-term partner. It’s part of something Dr. Lovemonkey likes to call "growth and maturation." Go have a few flings, and so what if you get cheated on? Learn a few things. That way, when the right guy comes along, you’ll recognize him. There is no love without risk and trust.

water sports

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

We are two 16-year-old girls, and we’d like to know whether a man can wear a condom in the shower or in the sea/swimming pool for sexual intercourse. We always see people having sex in these conditions on TV.

_J&L from Newport

Dear J&L,

Condoms break in the water. Also, condom or no condom, having sex in the water is a very tricky maneuver. Having sex on TV always looks easy and enjoyable because the people are not actually having sex. They are actors, and they are acting on TV. Perhaps you have seen old films in which people have sex in a hayloft. Have you ever tried this? All Dr. Lovemonkey can say is, "Ouch."

get over it

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am 6’3" and very thin. My problem is that I have I big Adam’s apple. It is easily noticeable and I feel terribly embarrassed when I am with my friends. Is a way to make it less visible?

_Arthur

Dear Arthur,

Your problem emanates from a northern region. I have never heard of someone being rejected, discriminated against, or otherwise treated rudely because of their Adam’s apple. Perhaps if you were a runway model or actor, there might be a tendency to shy away from you. Then again, there are hundreds of reasons to be rejected in those professions.

mailto:rudycheeks@prodigy.net

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@prodigy.net.