Ring Craver

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been involved with a guy for more than two years. We have a near-perfect relationship. We recently graduated from college and were lucky enough to find jobs in the same city. We have lived together for more than eight months and couldn’t be happier, especially for the last three months. I now find myself constantly thinking about marriage, and looking at dresses and engagement rings. My boyfriend says he is ready to marry me, but doesn’t want to spend the money it would cost to buy an engagement ring.

My desired ring is $3000, and he claims this is too much to spend. I told him I don’t care how much he pays, as long as he puts a lot of thought into the ring that he chooses. Lately, he constantly reminds me of the $3000 ring, and makes me feel as if it is my fault that engagement rings are so expensive. What should I do to convince him that I just want a nice ring? Also, how can I show him that this is not the time to be a cheapskate, and that a decent ring will cost more than $1000?

_Hopeful Bride-To-Be

Dear Hopeful,

Go back to the part where you say, " I don’t care how much he pays, as long as he puts a lot of thought into the ring that he chooses. " Juxtapose that with " a decent ring will cost more than $1000. " Obviously, you do care how much he pays for a ring, since you believe there are no " decent " rings available for under $1000. Dr. Lovemonkey thinks this is no time to insist on your fiancé buying a ring that appears to be beyond his means. Think about what is really important, and I think you will agree that the price of a ring is small potatoes compared to a life together.

loamy lodger

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My husband was asked to leave our house, so that I could have some cooling off time. When he came back, I asked if he stayed with a female, and he told me no. That was four months ago. I found out three days ago that he stayed with a 30-year-old woman. We are both 24. I wouldn’t have had a problem with that, but he slept in her bed with HER. He said nothing happened. I would have believed him, but his password for his e-mail was this woman’s last name, plus he did a search for her on the Internet.

When I asked if there was anything going on with her, he said, no, and that she was just a friend. I really don’t know what to do. He said he is sorry that he lied about staying with a female and for not telling me. But he isn’t sorry for staying in the same bed with her, because supposedly nothing happened, and he can use her for a password if he wants and look her up on the ’net. He doesn’t see the problem other than the lying. Please help! Do you think he is telling the truth, and I am overreacting? His brother offered to put my husband up, but he chose to stay with this woman instead.

_At Wit’s End

Dear At,

I’d like to know exactly why you initially asked your husband to leave the house, and why you needed " cooling off time. " Obviously, there are some other troubles in the marriage that you have not addressed here. It looks to Dr. Lovemonkey that it’s professional counseling time for you if you want to save this marriage and make it work. I do find hard to believe your husband’s claim that " nothing happened. " (If that’s the case, why did he initially lie about it?) But even if that is true, why did he choose to stay at another woman’s house? These are troubling questions and indicate some major problems. I would definitely suggest joint counseling.