Grow Up Time

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Three months ago, my fiancé and I were having problems. I love him dearly, but I was at my breaking point and cheated on him with our other roommate. My fiancé is giving me a second chance. I realize I was an idiot and had no right cheating on him. I am trying everything possible to regain my boyfriend’s trust and love, but it seems like nothing is enough. He keeps bringing it back up.

Recently, our roommate found a new friend who thinks it is okay to flirt with every guy in the house. I get extremely jealous, especially now, because my boyfriend thinks getting back at me by spending a meaningless night with someone will make things better. It won’t. I am a very big-hearted person. I care much more than I should. My boyfriend gets anything he wants. We no longer kiss, which I love to do. We just make love, or he gets pleasured. When I ask for some pleasure in return, he says, " It’s not all about you. " How can I show him how much I love him? I am very frustrated.

_Feeling Helpless

Dear Feeling,

It’s time to move on. You are making an attempt to work things out. Your boyfriend is not. Frankly, you both have a bit of growing to do. The boyfriend is clearly not able to function within a relationship at this time. Lose him.

ANXIOUS LUNCH

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m going to lunch with a man with whom I went to college, and who I would like to get to know better. Lunch came about because we e-mailed several times to discuss events for an upcoming college reunion. He called last week and asked me to lunch. He seems like a take-charge kind of person, which I like. He asked what I like to eat and what time I’d like to go. He said he’d call the day before to confirm with several restaurant choices. I have no problem with conversation, but I don’t want to be overly desperate. Since we are meeting to discuss " business, " should I casually ask about my portion of the check when it comes, or will this turn him off? Or, at the end should I say, " The next meeting is on me " ? I really want this to work. Any tips?

_Lunch Date

Dear Lunch,

Saying something like, ÒWould you like to eat a pile of whipped cream from my firm buttocks?Ó would definitely show you as being overly desperate. Offering to split the bill is the most sensible way to go. Don’t build this up — just try to relax and have fun. While deciding what to eat, you could ask whether he prefers getting separate checks. Doing this lets the other person know you are willing to pay for your half, and it gives them the opportunity to offer to pay for the entire thing. If he does offer to pay, a sincere ÒAre you sure?Ó will suffice for the ÒmandatoryÓ quibble. This is an exploratory meeting for you. If he’s interested in you, you’ll probably find out rather quickly.