Get Together

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend of nine months has asked me if I would get a place with him. Well, I want to, but a lot of people tell me it might not be a good idea. My family is happy, but my friends think it’s a big mistake. Do you think it’s a mistake to live together, considering how we have only been together for nine months? I feel ready and he’s ready, but everyone says it’s a mistake. What should I do?

_Do I Move In?

Dear Do,

Your boyfriend and your own instincts should take precedence over what your family and friends say. That said, it would still be of value to find out why your friends seem so concerned. Is it the "moving in together" part, or do they think this is the wrong person for you? Might some failed relationships experienced by your friends be playing into their mindsets? You should discuss this with your boyfriend and see what he thinks. Working it out together, as a team, is the best way to deal with this (not to mention any other adversity that may come).

Single Solution

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I feel I have a real problem. I’m a 34-year-old female who has never had a boyfriend. In fact, I’ve never even been out on a date. Every guy I’ve ever been interested in has turned me down, even when we’ve shared similar interests. I don’t think I’m rock bottom ugly, but I must appear this way to every guy. I have a good personality, a great sense of humor, and enjoy music, movies, and sports. I think those qualities would spark an interest for someone. I’m tired of seeing everyone else around me fall into romance so easily; for me, it’s impossible. Is there really someone for everyone, or should I just accept that it’s my destiny to be alone? At my age, I find it hard to believe someone is actually going to be interested in me.

_Never Had A Boyfriend

Dear Never,

You are not alone. There are many men and women, for a variety of reasons, who have never dated or had a romantic relationship. Sometimes it’s because they have concentrated on their careers and neglected to make time to date. There are things, though, that you can do to meet more people and make yourself more available to a wider circle.

Make the first move. Consider joining match.com and other similar sites on the Internet. Join a dating service. Put an ad in the paper. Yes, these avenues require some risk, but that’s life. Doing this will at least expand the number of people out there who know that you exist, and show that you are interested in meeting someone.

If someone is wishy-washy or does not respond right away, move on. Don’t waste time trying to convince someone that you’re worthwhile. You want to do the choosing. Avoid married men, men who are still entangled in other relationships, etc. If they are not free and available, keep away. Expect to go out with a number of different people before finding someone with whom you really click. Consider this a sort of practice dating, something that you’ll only get better with in time.

Try different approaches, because you’re previous efforts to stimulate dating interest have not worked. Join organizations and clubs where people engage in or discuss the various activities that you enjoy.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to rudycheeks@prodigy.net.