Opening Up

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year-and-a-half. We have great communication, and for the most part, a great relationship. I am the outgoing type, however, and he would rather walk in the woods or watch TV. After telling him how I feel, he will take me out and be outgoing for a while. Then, it’s back to his old routine. I love him so much and don’t want this to end our relationship, but do you think he is right for me?

_Lovestruck and Confused

Dear Lovestruck,

It’s all about compromise and communication. He is obviously willing to make an effort, and that is a very good thing for you and the relationship. He needs encouragement and a bit of cajoling. Plan to do things together that you will both enjoy. Do the planning together as well. In the meantime, you should look at the up side of this. He cares enough for you to make an effort. It sounds like it’s mostly a matter of focusing that effort and also for you to accept a bit of compromise

dead end

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My husband of five years is having an affair. We have no children. I have talked to him, and we realize that we both let the flame burn out in our marriage. I did leave him once for about four months because he was having an affair. But when I found out that she started sleeping in my home, it really upset me. I went back home, not only because it is my home, but also because I love my husband very much. He is not sure that he wants a divorce, and he shows me that he cares about me dearly, but he will not leave his girlfriend. If my husband really cared about me, wouldn’t he leave her? Would it be terribly wrong to continue living with him for financial reasons? He sees nothing wrong with him sleeping with his girlfriend every once and awhile, and then coming home to me.

_No Dignity

Dear No,

Dr. Lovemonkey understands that finances are important, but how much will your emotional and mental life suffer each time he comes back from being with his girlfriend? This could cause a great deal of harm for you, and your money may wind up going to pay shrinks for the rest of your life. If conciliation is not an option, you probably need to think seriously about divorce. The arrangement you describe (you staying for financial security, while he gets to run around) will tear away at you piece by piece.

fast-track woman

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I recently got into a relationship with an older, more experienced woman. I am 24, and she is 28 (divorced with two kids from different fathers, and neither by her ex-husband). Her past bothers me because right up until she met me she was sleeping with multiple partners. I found this out just by asking her. She called them "friends." Every time she refers to someone as "a friend," I assume the worst, and I’ve been right about 80 percent of the time. One of these "friends" plays with me on our pool team. He was just having sex with her and nothing more -- is this right? I feel very uncomfortable being with her, as well as being around people she has had sex with. She reassures me and tells me not to worry, but her behavior has hurt my feelings.

_J.D.

Dear J.D.,

This woman is not for you. If you "feel very uncomfortable . . . being around people she has had sex with," prepare to be uncomfortable most of the time, since she appears to have cut a wide swath in your community. Your moral and social values are not in any kind of alignment with hers. The longer you see her, the longer you will suspect that every man you meet has slept with her, and you’ll just end up driving yourself crazy.