Cowardly Bastid

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was in a relationship with a man for six years. He dumped me (and my son) and never said goodbye to us. He told he was so in love and that we were getting married. Three weeks later, he was seeing another girl, while still with me. I tried to break up with him before I knew he cheated. He came to my house drunk and on drugs, saying he was sorry for not spending time with us, and he was going to fix it. We never saw him again.

_Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I read your letter a couple of times, trying to find a question, but was unsuccessful. A friend of mine’s late grandmother, who came from "the Old Country" (in this case, Italy), used to refer to the type of man you describe as a "sominabitchin’ cowardly bastid." It seems like a reasonably accurate appellation for your former boyfriend. Nothing good can come from seeing this man again. At best he’ll just waste your time. At worst, well, it could get pretty bad. Tell him to leave you alone. A restraining order might be something to consider.

GET A GRIP

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been friendly with Martha for three years. Over this past summer, we grew even closer. Although Martha has been seeing someone, I told her how I feel about her. She seemed to feel the same way about me, but then I found out she had spent the night at this guy’s house. I became very upset, and left a rather unflattering note on her doorstep, displaying my disappointment. It’s been a month and I haven’t heard from her, even though I’ve tried to apologize and have sent gifts, but no response! Should I keep trying, or just count my losses? Next month, she is shipping out with the Navy.

_Getting Frantic

Dear Getting,

I hope Martha is "shipping out with the Navy" because she has enlisted and not . . . oh, never mind. The readers enjoy a little levity from Dr. Lovemonkey now and then. I don’t know what you put in your note, but I suspect that it contained a bit of jumping to conclusions, some unjustified jealousy, and a general lack of maturity. If this qualifies as abusive, then you really have gone over the edge. She is living her life and chose to be with someone other than you. Deal with it. It’s not surprising that she hasn’t responded. She probably doesn’t know what to make of your assumptions about your relationship. It’s time for you to get a grip on reality.

BREATHING ROOM

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost a year. Up until now everything has been going great. We realized we were in love after only a few months. The problem is how she now has school, band, and a part-time job to deal with. She says going out with me is like an appointment that she must schedule into her plans. Even though she still loves me, she wants to go "on break" to figure out whether she really wants to be with me. I love her very much, and want some advice on how we can keep the relationship together.

_Needing Help

Dear Needing,

It sounds totally reasonable to me that, with all the things your girlfriend is doing, she would want a breather and some time to assess her situation. You should agree with her wholeheartedly and make the temporary separation as comfortable as possible. This would be an expression of your concern for her happiness, and she would be grateful, one would think. In the meantime, you should keep busy, too.