Little Criminals

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Although my question hasn’t got anything to do with intimate relationships or love, I would really appreciate some help. A former co-worker recently called, and asked if I could help him out. We have been friendly, but not really close from working together. It seems that he "borrowed" some old office equipment in storage at the company. He asked me if I could return it for him. Should I do this, and run the risk of being considered part of his thievery? I don’t really want to blow the whistle on this guy, since this wasn’t a major larceny situation Any thoughts?

_E.B.

Dear E.B.,

This guy is not much of a friend if he would implicate you in his wrongdoing. I would tell him, ‘No, I can’t help return the stolen equipment.’ Suggest that he approach his former boss, acknowledge his mistake, and offer to pay a rental fee for "borrowing" the equipment without permission. Tell him that this has nothing to do with you and that’s the way you want to keep it.

FORGET ME NOT

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My best friend is a really talented actress. She is really good, and stars in all the productions at our high school. Her intention is to study acting in college, and eventually make it in Hollywood in films. I have a great deal of faith in her talent, and think that she will do just this. My fear is that when we grow up, she might become famous and not remember me. What do I do?

_Scared Best Friend

Dear Scared,

You’re in high school — a long way from establishing a career. "Making it in Hollywood" is a lot more complicated than having talent and working hard. Just being able to make a living as an unknown, generally underpaid actor is an incredible achievement. And who knows? Perhaps in a couple of years, you and your best friend will find other interests and passions. Adulthood and impending stardom are a long way off. Enjoy life — just live it — and don’t worry about how others will feel way in the future.

THE JERK

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey

My boyfriend of 10 years and I split last autumn. He had cheated on me, and lied about it. We had no contact for many months. Recently, he stopped in to visit to "see how I was doing." He is still with the other woman, but does not speak well of her. I know that I should not let him in, but I do because I am still not over him. I am still attracted to him. We only talk when he visits, and there is no sex. He stares at me continuously when he is here, and always kisses me when he leaves. Why is he visiting me now?

_Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,

Gee, let’s see if Dr. Lovemonkey can guess why he’s visiting. Maybe, maybe . . . he’s sniffing around to see if he can get into your pants again and then disappear into the night? That sounds fairly reasonable when you consider: a) you already know that he has cheated on you and lied about it; b) he is speaking ill of the person he is in a relationship with, behind her back; and c) the only reason that there is no sex is because you haven’t given him the signal. The least bit of encouragement to this guy and he’ll be under your sheets. Get over him and do it fast. He is a jerk, a user, and Dr. Lovemonkey cannot understand, knowing what you know about him, how you could still find him an attractive person. Tell him to leave, and to never darken your towels again.