Decision Time

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for six years, and we are experiencing some problems. Although she has been ready to get married for some time, I, unfortunately, am not yet financially able to do so, nor do I even know if I ever want to get married. My girlfriend is a wonderful person and she deserves the best. I have a serious problem discussing this with her. Any assistance would be appreciated.

_Trying To Work It Out

Dear Trying,

You’ve been together for six years, you know she is anxious to marry, and still you’re not sure? You need to make a definitive move. Dr. Lovemonkey finds the excuse that you are not "financially able" to get married unacceptable. People get married all the time with little money. How will getting married impact how you in such a way that you would need a big pile of money?

From a certain perspective, you’ve been stringing this woman along for six years. Either marry her or break it off. By hanging on like this, you are preventing her from fully realizing her life. You’ve got a couple of options, but, right now, you’re avoiding making the decision that you need to make. Take a stand.

tangled web

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have a male friend who I have known for years. He is a real player, but a friend of mine (we’ll call her "G") asked if I could introduce her. I told her what he was like, and she said she wasn’t really looking for anything serious herself. I learned a month later that another close friend (call her "C)" had become involved with the player. Once again, it was nothing serious. He told me he liked them both, and that they were all on the same page.

G then started going out with another guy and stopped seeing the player, while C continued seeing him. For her, things did start getting serious, but not for the guy. Then, unbeknownst to me, G called the player, and told him she wanted to see him again. He started seeing her while claiming to C that he was seeing only her. I felt something was going on, but wasn’t sure until I confronted him. I told him I would tell both women. He got mad at me, because now neither gal wanted anything to do with him. He told me he didn’t want to be friends with me anymore.

My two friends were grateful, or so I thought, for letting them know what was going on. Now one friend has decided that I should have told her sooner. She says I betrayed her. She will have nothing to do with me. It’s difficult since we have the same group of friends. Am I in the wrong?

_Just Trying To Help

Dear Just,

You should have never introduced your friend G to this guy. It’s sort of like inviting a burglar into the homes of your friends. Knowing what the player is like, you should have made it a policy never to introduce him to any of your female friends. (By the way, how come your female friends get initials, and this creep gets a full pseudonym?)

Dr. Lovemonkey suspects you knew a lot more about what was going on all along than you acknowledge. You should make a sincere apology to your friend, and keep away from any male who name could be the title of a Robert Altman film (that would include Freddy Nashville, Mickey M*A*S*H, and Pete Pret-A-Porter).