NAKED TRUTH

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am an 18-year-old girl, and just graduated from high school. Recently, I was fixed up on a blind date. The guy was cute, laid back, and I liked him. He was not very dressed up for a first date (T-shirt, jeans and sneakers), but that was okay since we only went to the movies and got something to eat later.

After the eats, he asked if I wanted to stop back at his apartment for a while, and I agreed. When we got there, he opened the door, and right there in front of us was a guy he introduced as his roommate. The guy was completely naked, and my date didn’t seem the least bit surprised or upset. Neither was the roommate, who said, "Hi," and casually waltzed back into his room. The place was also pretty dirty, and it looked like these guys hadn’t cleaned it since they moved in. Although I was shocked and sort of freaking out, I didn’t let on because neither of these guys acted as if there was anything out of the ordinary, weird, or unusual about all this.

This was a couple of weeks ago. Since then, this guy has called me a couple of times wanting to know if I’d like to go out. I’ve made up a few excuses, but I think he’ll continue to call, and I don’t think I want to see this guy again. I definitely don’t want to see the roommate, as I’ve pretty much seen all there is to see -- if you know what I mean.

Am I being unreasonable? I don’t think so. How would you handle letting this guy know that I don’t really want to see him again, without hurting his feelings?

— L.T.

Dear L.T.,

I wouldn’t worry too much about hurting this guy’s feelings. His feelings are probably buried somewhere in his apartment, beneath a pile of unwashed laundry. I must say, though, that you made a strategic mistake by failing to register any reaction to the roommate, Mr. Natural, on that first date. You are right to not want to see this guy again, since he and his buddy appear to be totally oblivious to the sensibilities of others. Life for them is apparently an endless Cheech and Chong movie. Dr. Lovemonkey suspects that they are already sexually active with fur-covered varnished knotholes.

You are only 18. I’m sure, if you haven’t already, that you’ll meet guys who know how to operate vacuum cleaners and washing machines. They will also be able to confine their nudist escapades to licensed "clothing optional" facilities, and not spring them on unsuspecting blind dates.

TUMBLIN’ DICE

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Every week, my boyfriend plays the Powerball number. Every week, he loses. We both like to fantasize about what we’d do if we won, but he actually gets upset for a while after realizing he doesn’t have the winning ticket. Is there some way that I can get him to brighten up and not get so wrapped up in this?

Realistic Gambler

Dear Realistic,

I’ll take it on faith that your boyfriend has heard of the concept of "mathematical probability." This informs one that the odds of winning the Powerball drawing are roughly equivalent to the chance of having a rhinoceros fall on one’s head while out boating. (Actually, if you happen to be in the Miami Triangle, the rhino odds are better, but that’s neither here not there.) Next time your guy loses, tell him, "Okay, so we didn’t make any money, but there are some things better than money." At this point, rip off your clothes and jump onto the bed on all fours. He may soon forget about Powerball.