THREE’S COMPANY

Dear Dr Lovemonkey,

I want to have a threesome with my girlfriend and her roommate. Her roommate is thinking about it, but is unsure because of how close she is to my girlfriend. What can I do? I know she wants to go bucknutti on me and be with my girlfriend and myself. How can I make her feel comfortable?

— Frank

Dear Frank,

Has your girlfriend also expressed a desire for a threesome with her roommate? If so, you have both completed your mission. Dr. Lovemonkey is not in the business of training or encouraging people in how to coerce others into sexual congress. If you and your girlfriend have already suggested the threesome, the roommate will decide whether she will be comfortable with this. Putting added pressure on her is not the right thing to do.

Her concern — that her relationship with your girlfriend may change after a sexual element is brought into the picture — is not unreasonable. Sex does change things, and women are much more cognizant of this than men. The roommate may feel more comfortable with the idea if you and your girlfriend continue to treat her the same after making the suggestion. If she thinks that this would be fun and not harm the relationship, she may decide to do it. It’s her body, it’s her decision, and that’s it.

NOACTION

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been seeing someone for the last nine months, and for the past three months I have been unhappy with our sex life, or lack there of. He has no desire to have sex, and if he does, it seems to be one-sided. I have addressed this problem with him. He knows the situation is serious and claims he will make an effort, but still no effort has been made — and it’s a waste because he is hung like a horse! Do I have any other options before ending this?

— Sexless

Dear Sexless,

There is always the option of having sex with an actual horse ("Now, Wilbur!"), but if you choose this route, try to keep it quiet with the ASPCA, as I assume that there are laws against such things. If, however, your attachment to this man has to do with more than the sum of his parts, the most reasonable direction is for you to undertake some (if you’ll pardon the expression), joint counseling. If he is uninterested in sexually pleasing you, it could be that he’s just a self-centered type or lost interest in you, and ridding yourself of him, equine-like member and all, would be prudent. If he is uninterested in sex in eneral, there is probably something else going on here and counseling is at least an opportunity to find out what that is.

MATINGCALL

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I met this great woman the other evening and would be interested in asking her out, but I am not certain of her sexual orientation. I have some reason to believe, although I don’t want to get into it right now, that she may be a lesbian. Should I inquire about this? I don’t want to make a move that would prove embarrassing to either her or me.

— Raymond

Dear Raymond,

You don’t ask people you just met about their sexual orientation. Take your time and observe this woman more closely. You may find the answer to your question. As you get to know her better, you will undoubtedly reveal your interest (always to be done in the subtlest way possible). If she indicates that she is receptive, then you proceed. The dance unfolds a step at a time.