|
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I am a soon-to-be 18-year-old high school graduate, cute but not totally gorgeous, and reasonably social. My problem is twofold. Part one: I haven’t met anyone new in a couple of years. While I do have deep friendships, I yearn for new, date-able blood. People find me attractive — that is, I’m leered at often enough — but where are the sensitive, profound boys who will speak to someone they find attractive, or don’t they exist? Part two: the only time I’ve dated someone (uninterrupted) for more than a week was a relationship with a boy soon to leave for college. It was summer. He made me laugh, and liked me a fair bit more than I liked him, and I felt safe in the sense that our feelings for each other were plastic. I couldn’t make it feel real, and yet had a grand time. I’m lonely. I want to be in love with someone more than anything else, but can’t escape the evidence that I don’t have it in me. I can’t sustain feelings beyond the point where friendship-plus-sexual tension turns to more. It’s been easy to fault the limited pool of possibilities at my small school, but now that I’m about to move on, something needs to change. — Simon Dear Simon, It sounds like you are looking for the whole package all at once, and assuming that you will recognize it immediately. This is not always the case. It could be that you are disqualifying potential suitors without taking the time to check them out more closely. In some cases, the kind of attraction and intimate relationship you seek builds slowly. If you live anywhere near a college campus, you might find that a reasonably good stalking ground for the "sensitive, profound" boys you seek. Attending lectures and activities that intrigue you will put you in close proximity to a number of people in your age range with similar interests. If there is no institute of higher learning nearby, seek out other logical places. If you enjoy theater, for instance, attend theater performances and strike up a conversation with other attendees. If you’re a cat lover, hang out in the cat food aisle of your local grocery store and wait for an interesting looking chap to approach. You could then sidle up to him and say, "Put down the Whiskas. Meow Mix rules." Dear Dr. Lovemonkey, I’m happily married, but my husband works at night. For a long time, I have enjoyed going to singles’ bars for a night out, something my husband fully approves of, and as far as our relationship is concerned, there is no problem. The reason I like to do this is that I like to dance. My problem is how too often guys ask me to dance and then they either hit on me or otherwise get a little too close for comfort. I don’t want to constantly be explaining to these people that I’m married. Is there any solution to this annoying problem? — Taken
Dear Taken, The solution is to dance in places other than singles’ bars. They are called singles’ bars for a reason, and it’s not because they only take dollar bills (that would be the Dollar Store). This is the turf of the footloose and fancy-free, and they behave in the classic way of patrons at this type of establishment. If part of your attraction to singles’ bars is because you enjoy flirting a bit, you should know that such flirting generally gets the results you’re getting. If it is really the dancing that you desire, join one of the many clubs or groups that meet strictly for that purpose. In so doing, your common bond will become dancing, not finding dates.
Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net
|
