Doggy style

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Let me start off by admitting that I’ve got a pretty jaded view of men. This primarily comes from being in an all-male workplace, getting to know them on a very personal level, and realizing they are actually "dogs" at heart. Not to put them down, because I’m not one of those women who hates all men. I’m just trying to be real about what I’ve witnessed over the last decade or so.

Anyhow, I’ve come up with a rough estimate that about five percent of men can be completely trusted in a relationship. In other words, given the opportunity and the guarantee that one will not get caught, 95 percent of men will "cheat" in some way, shape, or form. But, here’s my dilemma: just recently, two men to whom I feel relatively "close" (meaning that I feel like I know them pretty well) have cheated on their wives right in front of me. That would not be a major shock, given my belief system, although these men were in my "five percent group." Maybe I’m giving too much credit to them, but I really thought I knew them. Am I way off base on this issue? What percentage of men will cheat if given a "free pass"?

— Curious Single Friend

Dear Curious,

It is a relief to know, despite your belief that 95 percent of men are "dogs," that you’re not putting them down. Dr. Lovemonkey is going to take a huge leap and guess that your definition of "man as dog" assumes males are id-driven creatures unable to control their lusts and desires. In fact, they don’t even try to control their lusts and desires. My problem with your argument is the lack of empirical data and the total reliance on anecdotal evidence. We do not know what type of workplace you operate in. Let me suggest that certain all-male environments (locker rooms, for instance) have an over-the-top macho atmosphere, probably with a higher than usual incidence of canine behavior.

Therefore I would suggest two things. First, try to avoid rash generalizations. Second, spend a little time in some mixed-gender workplaces to see if the behavior is different. By the way, what is your estimate of the percentage of women who are "dogs"? Do you think the number would differ based on the type of workplace? Would, for instance, there be more "women as dogs" in a heterosexual strip club for men than in a dental clinic? I wouldn’t want to generalize about this, and I don’t think that you should, either.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I have been living with a wonderful woman for more than four years now. She is a very adventurous type, and because of her influence, I’ve gotten involved in a lot of experiences that I never otherwise would have. Stuff like whitewater rafting, bungee jumping, and Indian food.

Last summer, for a couple of weeks, we stayed at a nudist colony. Although I got somewhat used to it, I was uncomfortable most of the time we were there. Not so for my girlfriend, who absolutely loved it. Well, for the past few months, she has been talking about becoming a nudist full-time. She feels it’s a more natural and healthy way to live. I continue to feel very uncomfortable about this. I’m afraid that this is going to break us up. What can I do?

— Clothes Lover

Dear Clothes,

Trying to talk her out of this is not likely to work. Her notion that this is natural and healthy is valid, and it sounds like she is one to follow her instincts. You can discuss how uncomfortable it was for you during your vacation last year. She will have to weigh the importance of this lifestyle against the importance of your relationship. It will probably be you who must decide: nudist with relationship, or clad and single. By the way, if you do become a nudist, try to avoid eating vindaloo in the buff.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net