Just friends?

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Here’s my dilemma: I know a married woman at work. Recently, she told me her husband was out of town at a convention for a couple of weeks, and that she was feeling lonely. She suggested that we go out for an evening in a "just friends" sort of mode. On the one hand, this seems reasonable to me, as long as it is as she says. But I get the nagging feeling that she might be looking for something else. Should I turn her down or should I go out with her?

— Mr. Confused

Dear Mr. Confused,

This is one of those situations where you have to be bluntly honest with yourself, Mr. Confused. How attracted to this woman are you? Do you have any suspicions of her interest and motives? Judging from your letter, I’d say you do. If I were you, I’d pass on this before you find your little non-date spiraling into mutual groping in the backseat.

Dr. Lovemonkey frequently goes to lunch, dinner, or some sort of an amusement with the wife of a friend when that friend is out of town or otherwise unavailable. The context of these "dates" is everything. First of all, I’m friendly with the husband (usually more so than with the wife), and it is frequently he who suggests that I accompany the missus. Secondly, it is almost always people I have known for a very long time and with whom my friendship is well established.

In your case, it sounds like you are a friend from work of the woman, and not a friend of the husband. If she is interested (even subconsciously) in a fling with someone, you are a much more likely candidate than someone friendly with both her and her husband. The whole thing has an air of danger around it, so I would just say, "Sorry, I’m really busy this weekend playing computer games and rearranging the sock drawer."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

What is being done about the particular disgrace of graffiti? I walk the streets of Providence, a city adorned with historic homes and beautiful architecture, and I feel as though I am walking through a garbage dump. I know the idiots that spray paint on the sides of these sacred temples could obviously care less for the historic nature and beauty of our community, but what are the owners of these homes and business doing to clean and prevent this from happening? I have seen the placement of one camera – and this I greatly appreciate -- but what else is being done?

This is everyone’s concern and responsibility. If you throw garbage out the window of your car while driving on Interstate 95 in Massachusetts, the idiot would be fined $10,000. Why is this fine not already in place for graffiti idiots? It makes complete sense to me. If the idiot cannot afford to pay for the damages, then the idiot should have to do community service at the minimum hourly wage until the fine is paid.

— Terry

Dear Terry,

While Dr. Lovemonkey is not generally considered the municipal go-to guy when it comes to crafting city codes and code enforcement strategies, I can tell you that I have seen quotes from Providence Mayor Cicilline in recent weeks, to the effect that he considers graffiti a serious challenge and problem. That the mayor points this out may bode well for greater action.

There are certainly anti-littering and anti-graffiti laws on the books here, as in most communities. Enforcement is usually where the problem lies. It is not too easy to actually catch people in the act. Graffiti, after all, is usually done under cover of darkness. I applaud and encourage the mayor.

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