Ch-ch-changes

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

During my last two years at high school, I went steady with a guy who has since gone out of state to college. While we continue to be a couple, our relationship has grown strained because of the distance and how we are now living different lives. I’m going to college here at home, and although we talk on the phone at least a couple of times a week, and occasionally write to each other, I can feel that we are growing apart. Is there something I can do to keep the connection strong? Neither of us goes out with anyone else, but I keep thinking that this could happen. What can I do?

— Worried

Dear Worried,

All you can do is what you are doing. Fearing that you could grow apart is natural, but growing apart may also be natural. The important thing is to not cling. Live your lives. Seek out and enjoy new experiences and new friends. Don’t let the fear that you may drift apart stunt your growth. What happened in high school is past and you will both continue to change. You may want to stay together, but it is not a sure thing. The most important thing is to embrace new experiences and not to live in the past.

Dr. Lovemonkey realizes this is not very reassuring, but as you both change and grow, you must be willing to take risks and be open to change. Remain in touch with each other, but be receptive to what is new and different.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My problem has to do with my girlfriend and her best friend, Christine. Best friends for ages, they have gone through a lot together. Christine is, naturally, very friendly with me. Gayle and I have been going together for more than a year, but Christine, has, in recent months, revealed to me that she has a crush on me.

Whenever we’re all together now, I have paranoid thoughts. I start thinking that maybe Gayle knows about this and is very carefully watching how I interact with Christine. I’m afraid she will think we’re doing something on the side when there isn’t any truth to this at all. I have reason to believe that Gayle’s imagination is running wild. How should I deal with this?

—Paranoid

Dear Paranoid,

Although it is flattering to know that someone has a crush on you, the fact that it is your girlfriend’s best friend means you must take some action. First, it is important that you display your feelings for Gayle, particularly when Christine is around. This should reassure Gayle that you are indeed committed to your relationship with her, while also discouraging Christine. Do not engage in what would ordinarily pass for "harmless flirtation" with Christine. Doing so will not only encourage Christine — and it may also raise suspicions with Gayle.

After learning of Christine’s crush, you told her, I hope, that you wish to be friends and nothing more. Be very emphatic about this and be very conscious of boundaries. You need to demonstrate by your actions where your true feelings lie, so that there will be no mistake in either of their minds.

Bringing Christine’s feelings for you to Gayle’s attention is not a good idea. She undoubtedly knows her friend well and already (as you suggest) has seen that she is interested in you. Raising the issue will more likely than not cause a rift between these two friends, and you don’t want to be any more in the middle of that than you already are. Maybe you could help find an interesting person for Christine to get meet. The most important thing is to let everyone involved know where you stand. Giving more attention to your girlfriend, especially in the presence of Christine, is important.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net