Put on the brakes

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four months. We go to college together. For a period of time, he stayed at my house every night for a month. For the past two weeks, I have been very upfront with him in explaining how I feel things are getting weird between us. We’ve already had the discussion of kids and marriage, and we both are interested, but not right now. He's using the excuse of commitment to try to break things off, but every time it comes down to it, we both decide we can work it through. Any advice?

— Waiting

Dear Waiting,

You’ve only been together for four months. Relax, enjoy each other’s company, and get to know each other better. It seems to me that discussing kids and marriage is a bit premature. Sharing how you have serious intentions is good, but if you’re right for each other, time will work it for both of you. Slow down and have fun.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m writing in response to the question submitted by "Life Sucks" in the February 4 edition. The reason this inquiry (and your response) caught my eye is because it is exactly what I am going through (and have been going through for some time). I am 23 years old; have a great job at the State House in Boston; graduated from an Ivy League school; am attractive, intelligent, compassionate, and caring; have a great family and wonderful friends; and enjoy getting out & being social. Yet I have only been in one real relationship, and that was for four months when I was 19. I have been trying to work this through for some time, and am certainly not in denial about my own responsibilities. But I try far too hard and also feel like time is passing me by.

I can absolutely relate to what "Life Sucks" is going through, since I see all the parallels with my situation. I think your advice was quite on target. Trying too hard is a vicious cycle. But, it is difficult to put into practice techniques to work through it. What I was thinking was this: perhaps the writer and I could correspond and help each other through our respective situations.

I am absolutely serious about this; I am not looking for a "misery loves company" escape where we can complain to each other about our sorrows. Rather, I see this as a potential opportunity for two people who have been dealing with the same issue to help each other work through it constructively and supportively. It is sometimes reassuring to known that you are not the only one going through such a thing, and I believe, together, we can help solve the issues in question.

So, I hope you are willing to help. All I ask is that you forward this e-mail to the writer of the letter, and leave it up to him/her to see whether he/she wants to contact me. Let me stress again that I am completely serious. Thank you for printing this inquiry and for your lucid response on the subject.

— Jared

Dear Jared,

I usually do not hold onto my correspondence for long unless someone explicitly indicates they are looking for responses or contact with others. Although I have already deleted the e-mail for "Life Sucks," perhaps that person will see this and contact me. I will hold your e-mail for the next month. If "Life Sucks" sees this and would like to communicate with you, I will attempt to put you in contact with him/her.

If anyone else wants me to hold on to his or her correspondence for input or to make contact with other readers, let me know and I will do so. This column was not conceived as a clearinghouse for folks to contact each other, but I can see the value in that and will try to not delete letters so quickly. I hope to hear from "Life Sucks" or anyone else who might wish to contact you in the coming weeks.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net