Wandering mind

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m really jealous of my girlfriend. She works with a lot of young guys, I see her flirting with them, and it kind of gets me going. When she goes out with her female friends (most of whom are single), I start worrying and thinking about what they might be doing. She has never been unfaithful to me, and I haven’t been unfaithful to her, but she seems to constantly be surrounded by what I consider hungry men — and she seems to really like it. She thinks I make a big deal of this when I ask her where she’s been and what she’s been doing. But what can I do? She’s a hot babe and she knows it. Am I wrong to feel this way?

— Big Bill

Dear Big,

Stop visualizing that your girlfriend is out with every guy she comes across. You trust her, right? You believe that she should have a life in which she enjoys herself, right? What’s going on in your head stems from your insecurity, not her behavior. Start using your imagination for more constructive purposes, like developing ideas about how you can enjoy each other. Enjoy how other people find your girlfriend attractive, and consider yourself lucky. Think about yourself and the things that you like to do. Possessiveness is a real relationship killer, and it only speaks to our own shortcomings. Have some faith in yourself, in her, and in your relationship.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I went out with a guy named Phil for a short time, maybe a couple of months. It was okay, but he wasn’t, like, the love of my life, so we drifted apart. The problem is that Phil has a video camera, and he used to set it up on a tripod and tape us making love. At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal, but now I’m starting to wonder about those tapes. Should I get back in touch with him and demand that he hand them over to me? I have no idea of what he might do with them. At the time, we would sometimes watch them and get very hot, so I didn’t think this was such a bad thing.

— Not a Porn Star

Dear Not,

Asking for the tapes back is not unreasonable. You should, of course, offer to replace the tapes with newly bought blanks. The problem, Dr. Lovemonkey suspects, is that Phil also knows about the miracle of blank tapes and he could very well have already made copies. In other words, getting the tapes from him does not necessarily ensure that you may not be embarrassed later on.

Having your sexual adventures filmed or taped is only a good idea if you are prepared to share them with the rest of the world (see: Paris Hilton).

There is an element of trust involved here, and it sounds like you don’t fully trust old Phil. If he has his own Web site, "The Wild World of Naked Phil and his Harem of Chicks," you might be a little late in trying to get the videos back. Dr. Lovemonkey has always been rather reluctant to be videotaped in compromising situations, and if you would like to keep your love life private, you should take this conservative route. This is also not a guarantee that you can avoid embarrassment. The invention of the camcorder, and the ability for it to be hidden in private places, has made it a more complex world.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net