Mashed up

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am involved with a married woman. Her husband has been gone for five months. During this time we have been living together with our kids. I love her with all of my soul, but I recently found out that she has been sleeping with a female friend of ours. This has stopped, but I don’t know what I should do. I also think she is sleeping with a male friend of ours. Please help.

— Worried in West Warwick

Dear Worried,

Here are a few things that seem obvious about the woman you are involved with. She is not capable of being faithful (she got involved with you while still married). She doesn’t seem to mind putting her (and your?) children in the middle of an unhealthy situation. And she sure as hell doesn’t care much about you. Does all this tell you something? The situation is no good. Get out immediately. I would suggest that your meaning to this woman is one thing: free babysitting.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m 17 years old and fell in love with one of my sister’s friends. At first, I thought it was just a crush, but it has been a while and the feelings haven’t gone away. My sister’s other friends know how I feel about this girl and they tell me I should say something to her. I’m confused because sometimes she acts as if she likes me, but she totally ignores me at other times. I’m too chicken to ask her out because I don’t want to make her feel awkward and put her in a difficult situation (me being her best friend’s brother and all).

— Should I Tell Her?

Dear Should,

You say that her other friends know how you feel. If this is so, they have probably talked about it with her, so she probably already knows of your interest. It could be that she’s interested in you as well. She may be feeling awkward and unsure of how to express herself, giving the appearance of being standoffish at times. Knowing where you stand has got to be better than obsessing and wondering what she thinks. If you’re interested and feel strongly about this girl, you should overcome your fear and speak with her, either asking her out for a date or telling her that you like and care about her. Make the date as low-key as possible if you are concerned about her feeling awkward. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was dating this girl right after she got divorced from a three-year abusive relationship. Everything started out fast and great. We spent all of our time together. We went on dates, keeping it neat and fun. And then all of a sudden after three months, she tells me we need to talk and that she doesn’t want a boyfriend right now. She said she needs her space and time to meet new people and friends. It’s like I lost my best friend. I still talk to her occasionally. A month has passed. How much time does she need? I don’t know. I’ve never been married or divorced. We are both 25 and don’t have kids. I know it must be a difficult healing process, and I am willing to wait. What should I do?

— Brokenhearted

Dear Brokenhearted,

Rebound relationships can be very confusing and emotionally fraught with difficulty — even more so when one of the partners is rebounding from an abusive or extremely negative relationship. You could be a great match for her, and she would still probably deny herself the opportunity for a relationship. After a long, negative experience, humans sometimes need time out. Maybe she needed your attention and constant availability to be able to start connecting with people again.

It’s impossible to know how long it will be before she’s ready for intimacy again. Right now, friendship is what she really needs. Romance is too stressful and difficult. I would talk to her and let her know how much you enjoy spending time with her, even if only as friends. Then, let her know that you are willing to wait until she’s ready to pursue something more.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net