Get real

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My current status is "married, but filing for a divorce within the next year when I finish school." I haven’t had sex with my husband of 10 years since 1998, and we usually live in different states since it’s primarily a business marriage. Meanwhile, my friend/lover is getting married to someone else. In the last two months, my lover and I have been spending every possible moment together. In my heart, I feel like I have been waiting for him my whole life, but his wedding is planned. I would appreciate your input in this situation.

— Unhappy and Confused

Dear Unhappy,

If you are truly interested in having a serious and committed relationship, you should know by now that the situation with your husband and your friend/lover has been a grievous mistake. You’ve been used by both of them, and you have gone along with it. It’s good that you got out of an unhappy marriage. Now, look at the situation with your lover. It seems like the same deal. Forget about this and take the time to start anew. This may mean a period of celibacy, or at least not getting involved in relationships with a lot of emotional investment. Think about what you’re doing. Realize that you need to be involved with people who are open to you and not seriously compromised. Take your time and respect yourself.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I become infatuated with all of these unavailable older men. I am naturally more attracted to older men, because they are smarter, more intellectual, and I think I really just like creating problems for myself. So, how can I not develop a deep-seated infatuation with, say, my next attractive teacher? Right now, it is this coach with a nice mouth. How can I avoid this?

— Wanting To Change

Dear Wanting,

Crushes by young girls are natural, as long as you don’t do anything you’ll regret later. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to older men, but older doesn’t always mean smarter. Don’t come on to your teachers. This will almost always end in serious unhappiness. Besides, if you really think they are good people, your actions could put them in a compromised situation and even get them fired (even if nothing happens). Slow down, kiddo.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I was seeing a woman for about four months who had just come out of a five-year relationship. Toward the end of her last relationship, she was not happy, but it was her boyfriend who ended it. When he found out that she had started seeing someone new (me), he became "Mr. Nice Guy," and she ended it with me. We have been friends for the past two months, but as of today she cut off contact because she has gone back to her ex. While we were together, she was always telling how well I treated her and how much she felt for me in such a short time. My question is, do you think I should move on, or should I wait to see if her relationship deteriorates? Do you think it will?

— Mr. Unhappy

Dear Mr. Unhappy,

Move on. The woman you were with is still enamored of her ex. And that’s okay. You will find someone who is not in a compromised situation — someone who will be able to focus on you without any other baggage and that will be good. Don’t worry. There are many others who can appreciate you without you having to deal with past baggage.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net