Valid point

Dear Dr.Lovemonkey,

Here’s something I’ve never understood. I don’t know if this is peculiar to women, but it seems so to me. I have had a couple of long-term relationships, and both times, the women will buy some new clothes, always asking me, "Does this look good?" First of all, they know that I don’t give a hoot about clothes, and certainly know nothing about women’s clothing. Why ask me this when they already know how my opinion is worth virtually nothing? I have never understood this. Does it have something to do with insecurity? In other ways, these women seem very secure and confident. What’s the deal?

— Rick A.

Dear Rick A.,

Dr. Lovemonkey does not think this has much to do with insecurity. The word that comes to mind is "validation." While the women are probably certain the newly bought clothing looks pretty good, they still want a little knee-jerk validation from you. Unless you notice something hideously wrong, the answer to these queries is always, "You look great."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m a 23-year-old student. I was a friend of this girl, and she was someone I just hung out with for a few years. We enjoyed each other’s company for outdoor activities. We had a great friendship and there was no physical relationship. She moved away about two years ago. About six months back, she invited me to go to an island to go scuba diving, parasailing, hiking, and mountain biking for a week. I was really excited about going, so I got tickets in advance.

Since then, totally to my surprise, I met this wonderful girl — Jennifer. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve only known her for three weeks. I really need some advice. I don’t know if I should cancel this trip (it will be the only vacation I’ve had in the past two years) with my old friend. I just don’t want Jennifer to think I’m interested in some other girl. Jennifer knows I’m going, but she doesn’t know that I’m meeting Brenda and her parents there. Help me! I don’t know what to do. I would cancel this whole trip for Jennifer because she means a lot to me. Please help!

— Just Friends

Dear Just Friends,

Even if the woman is just a friend, you should still keep the commitment you made to her. Friends are often more important than lovers, especially if you’ve just met the new woman. After all, the relationship with Jennifer could be over in a month, and you’ve been friendly with this other woman for a long time. Besides, it just isn’t right to break a date with someone because someone you like better comes along. Living with integrity means keeping your commitments, even if you get a better offer.

You should be able to explain the whole situation to Jennifer. Explain to her that this friend has never been a romantic interest and is just a pal with similar interests. There is a very good chance she will understand, and if so, she should get big points for trust and understanding. Is she interested in the same things? Perhaps Jennifer could come along, too. You should, at the same time, discuss your current relationship with your outdoor friend. Let’s hope everyone understands.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net