Use your head

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m thinking of getting a tattoo on a very private place (if you know what I mean). I hear that it hurts, but I’m up for it. Do you know anything about this? My main squeeze thinks this is not a good idea.

— No Pain, No Gain

Dear No Pain,

I take it that you are about to get your johnson (in other words, your male unit) tattooed. Although I hate to make snap judgments, I get the sense that you are just the sort of guy who should have this done. Let me suggest basing the design on Einstein’s theory of relativity, or including a brief quote from a favorite philosopher (Kant? Spinoza? Yogi Berra?). This will reveal to any intimate partners that you are a many-faceted individual with a lot of depth.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been going out with this great woman for a couple of years, and recently discovered that she had a lot of boyfriends before me — I mean a whole lot. These would probably go under the heading of one- or two-night stands. We are pretty tight, I’m not cheating on her, and I’m certain that she’s not running around behind my back. Still, I’ve become very leery about her past. Am I being overly judgmental?

— Dan from Dartmouth

Dear Dan,

Well, think about it. If what you say about your relationship is true, then you’re concern is in the past. Everyone has a past, and if they are smart, they learn from it.

How many one-night stands have you had? Are they a part of a past that you continually return to and discuss with friends? In the same way that many people have experimented sexually, lots of people of a certain age smoked pot, snorted cocaine, and drank too much. A whole lot of them have been able to get beyond such behavior, figuring out that these things don’t make them happy. It sounds like your girlfriend has decided that being in an exclusive relationship with one person (you) is a greater source of happiness than having a succession of casual encounters.

You didn’t much discuss your sexual past, but I suspect that you, like many of us, have had a few encounters over the years that were of little consequence. Be happy that you have a good thing with your girlfriend and focus on the present. "Live and learn" is the old axiom, and it sounds like your girlfriend has.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

One of my best friends is engaged to a wonderful woman, but I have detected a strange attitude in the bride-to-be a couple of times over the past few months. She has expressed an opinion that worries me. Although she hasn’t explicitly stated it, she hints that if the marriage doesn’t work out, it would not be such a traumatic thing to split up and divorce. I’m alarmed, because I think that if you take your marriage vows seriously, you don’t entertain such thoughts. Is this any of my business? Should I be concerned?

—A Friend

Dear A,

I recall another couple (both lovely people) in which one of the parties had a casual attitude going into their marriage. It lasted about five years, and no one was surprised. Although we’d encouraged the more serious partner to reconsider and maybe hold off, they went ahead anyway.

Most traditional marriage ceremonies include a part where the couple’s family and friends are asked to support and strengthen the union. I’d implore your friend, before the couple gets to the altar, to sit down and seriously discuss the pending commitment. Perhaps you will be perceived as sticking your nose into their business, but it might be the best thing to do in this case.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.