Wander or lust?

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’m 35, and for seven years, I have been dating a great woman (30) who is about ready to give me the boot if I don’t propose. Problem is, I want to travel to foreign lands and drink in strange bars — she wants to cuddle in front of ER. I’d feel shitty losing her, but she just doesn’t quicken my pulse like some others I’ve loved and lost. Should I go with a sure thing or put all my money on black?

— E. Hemingway

Dear Papa,

Well. There’s always the old shotgun in Idaho. But seriously, Dr. Lovemonkey is of the belief that not everyone is cut out for marriage. In fact, far too many people marry and have children before realizing this. The tone of your letter suggests that lifelong commitment is not for you. Hopefully, you’ve shared some of these wanderlust feelings with your girlfriend. If you haven’t, you’d better sit down and have a long talk. You owe it to her. After seven years, she probably has a pretty good take on your desires. Sounds to me like you’re half out the door. If a quickened pulse is of more value to you than a steady one, you’re not the marryin’ kind.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Your advice to Rich (see "Ask Dr. Lovemonkey," May 7) to seek divorce, rather than adulterous relationships, for the sake of the kids, would be fine under ideal circumstances. But take a look at what happens to divorced fathers: He will immediately be forced to be a great distance from his kids, seeing them only on alternate weekends. This is terrible enough for the father, and more so for the kids. Then, his ex-wife will tire of having to schedule these inconvenient visits and resist, the resistance ranging from simply speaking against the father to making abuse allegations against him. Look at the records and see how often this happens. You will be surprised.

Odds are that the resulting family situation, with not only the total lack of a father figure, but the insidious impression that the father is no good, is considerably worse than if the kids and father stay together, and father takes off every once and awhile with a girlfriend. He should consider himself lucky that his wife isn’t just kicking him out. After all, in this state, if a woman tires of her husband, she can kick him out, keep the house, keep the kids, get child support, and she doesn’t even have to give a reason!

— Been There

Dear Been There,

If you read Rich’s letter more carefully, the acrimony you speak of is not necessarily present. The desire may be here for a mutual split.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

A number of years ago, I fell in love with a handsome, charming, polygamous sociopath. Not wanting to let go of the thimbleful of truth and beauty between us, I moronically held on for too many moons. Eventually, his womanizing bent wore my misguided tether thin. Here is my quandary: for the four years we have been apart, I have received a barrage of phone calls from the Mormon Man. Some of the calls have involved emotional blackmail, most have preyed on the past, and all have been annoying — four years and no silence in sight. I have tried a variety of approaches to end this onslaught of phone calls, everything from gentle understanding to anger and contempt. I am now involved with a wonderful man, which makes these calls even more unwanted. Changing my phone number is not a viable option. Any thoughts on how to keep this slime from dialing?

— Ruefully, TMG

Dear Ruefully,

Many years ago, in the recent troglodyte past, and during the reign of Dr. John Waynemonkey, the common prescription for such behavior was for Mr. Wonderful to pay a visit to Mormon Man, dog dirty and loaded for bear. Although this seemed to work quite neatly in old movies, violence tends to beget violence in reality. If I correctly remember my introductory college course in psychology, your former boyfriend sounds like a classic narcissist. He obviously should have gotten the message by now, but he refuses to believe that you’re still not interested. Threatening to bring in the law if he persists in calling you is your most reliable option. If you want to get creative, you can always tape the phone calls, and play them back for his family and friends, but my guess is that the "shame" approach would have little impact on this creep. We are not dealing with reasonable behavior. Therefore, I don’t see a reasonable solution. Reader suggestions for TMG are welcome.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.