Platonic retreat

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My relationship with "Jack" has been going on for almost four years. We have been talking about and considering marriage. About 10 months ago, he told me he needed more time to sort out exactly how he felt about the situation. I told him that, after three years, he should have a pretty good grasp on things. It got a little unpleasant, and as he had requested, we broke things off for a while.

During that time (which turned out to be only about a month), I was depressed and ended up spending time with "Larry," a very old and valued friend. Yes, we did become intimate, but we both realized in less than a week that it was not working. Meanwhile, Jack came back and things have been okay, except for my telling Jack about what happened between Larry and me. His reaction was one of barely repressed anger, and he told me I could never be friends with Larry again. I told him I thought that was ridiculous.

While I would not exactly say that he is warming to the idea, Jack now seems a lot more open to my resuming a friendship with Larry. My question to you, Dr. Lovemonkey, is, do you see anything legitimate in Jack’s opposition to me being able to continue to be friends with Larry?

— L.D.

Dear L.D.,

If you told Jack what you told me — about your short fling with Larry and how it ended mutually and (apparently) with no heartbreak or recriminations — I would say, no, I don’t see any legitimacy in Jack’s position. He feels hurt, even though he is the one who precipitated the rift in your relationship. Dr. Lovemonkey is hopeful that Jack will get over his hurt feelings and be able to focus on the positive.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I broke up with a longtime girlfriend more than six months ago. Although it was painful and difficult at first, I have gotten past it and feel healed and pretty good about myself. In fact, I actually have warm thoughts about the times my partner and I had without wanting to go back there or rekindle anything. Anyway, I ran into an old friend about a month ago and she had recently broken up with her boyfriend. She seems to still be going through all of the things I went through months ago, but she is a bit more needy (it seems) and has made it pretty plain that she would like to spark up some sort of relationship with me.

I find her attractive and have always liked her. Except for this situation, I would be very interested in getting involved. But I don’t think she’s ready (something that I really can’t say to her straight on, because she would get pissed off) and would like to be a bit more prudent about this. Do you think it makes sense that she and I just remain friends and avoid intimacy for a while, or do you think I might lose the opportunity if I don’t act?

— Trying To Be Thoughtful

Dear Trying,

Congratulations. It sounds like you are succeeding in being thoughtful. As you have figured out from your recent experiences, people need time to heal. It certainly sounds like your friend needs more healing. Like most people, she would like some sort of magic bullet to take away her pain and sorrow, and she thinks you are the magic bullet. You know that it doesn’t work that way, but she doesn’t want to face reality. She may continue to look for the magic bullet and take up with some one else. That is not likely to succeed. Don’t yet look at the current situation as an "opportunity." Hang in there and a real opportunity might open up. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net.