Pigskin pigs

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

Every year, my husband and I invite some of his pals and their girlfriends or wives over to watch the Super Bowl. This year, with our Patriots in the game, it will probably be even more boisterous and lively than usual. The problem is, these guys make a fairly large mess, and my husband and I are left to do the cleanup. Since this happens late on Sunday evening, and both of us have to work the next morning, it is, to be frank, a large pain in the ass. We want to be good hosts, but isn’t there some way we can make this a little less of a problem?

— Football Wife

Dear Football Wife,

Why not talk to your husband before the gang comes over this year. Discuss his suggesting to his pals how it would be really great if they were to do a little cleaning up, progressively, throughout the game. They might also set aside halftime as a block of time in which some of the dishes could be cleaned and trash hauled outside. Halftime is traditionally one of the nadirs of American entertainment every year (unless, of course, your idea of a good time is a performance by Aerosmith with Barry Manilow or Wayne Newton sitting in). Present the idea of cleaning up as a fun thing for everyone to participate in, a la the Motown dishwashing scene in The Big Chill. Dr. Lovemonkey’s guess is that your guests will be happy to lend a hand, and many hands will help make it short work.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

A friend of mine tells me that Super Bowl Sunday is notorious as a time of year when there’s a big spike of domestic violence. I told him I don’t believe this is true. Do you know what the story is?

— Ben W.

Dear Ben W.,

Back about a decade ago, a number of media reports indicated a rise in domestic abuse during the Super Bowl. Subsequent investigation found that this was based on some pretty shoddy research, if you can call it research at all. However, domestic abuse continues to be a huge problem in our country — football or no football. While singling out the Super Bowl as some sort of negative milestone may be inaccurate, violence occurs among domestic partners on that day just like any other. There are plenty of resources to find out more about the horrors of domestic abuse. Dr. Lovemonkey suggests that everyone familiarize themselves with the problem and how to combat one of the worst scourges in contemporary American life.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been dating a woman for about three months, and she is a wonderful and nice person. I have also just started to see a woman from work who I’ve been interested in for years. I’d like to continue seeing the woman from work and gradually stop seeing this other woman, but don’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her about my new girlfriend. What would you suggest?

— Stuck in Lincoln

Dear Stuck,

Don’t flatter yourself into believing the woman you’ve been seeing for the past few months is necessarily going to be all torn up about you’re leaving. I would tell her you’re also dating someone else. Perhaps she’ll figure out that you’re not such a great investment of her time.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net