Double tango

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am a 35-year-old unmarried woman. I went out with a guy for almost five years and he suddenly dumped me. He immediately started seeing other women, and he got married after a couple of years. That was about 10 months ago. Recently, he called me up and came by for a visit.

Well, we ended up having sex. I assumed that he must have been separated, but I’ve since found out that he is still married. He called me again, I asked him if he was still married, and he acknowledged that he is. When I asked him if there was something wrong in his marriage, he said, no. So I’m wondering, what’s going on here? I realize that he didn’t really "trick" me into having sex with him, but it seems pretty sneaky the way he did it. I hate being involved in something like this, so what’s up?

— Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed,

It’s all pretty simple, but you have to accept that you are partly to blame. He enjoyed having sex with you when you were together. For some reason, he was feeling a bit low in the self-esteem department, a bit randy, and decided to find out if you would still find him attractive. Since you knew that he had married less than a year earlier, you might have asked about the status of his marriage before jumping into bed with him. But you didn’t, perhaps because you suspected it was still ongoing. Sorry, but you’re both to blame.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

We’re hearing all these stories about "gay marriage." The court ruling in Massachusetts sounds like it will pave the way for this in that state. It seems like this will spread to other states as well. Do you think this is a good or a bad thing? I am a heterosexual and a Christian. I believe in equal rights for everyone and am a bit confused by all of this. I’m just trying to clarify my thinking, because I think this is going to be a major issue in the months and years ahead.

— J.B. from Massachusetts

Dear J.B.,

Dr. Lovemonkey has long supported LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered) civil rights, and I believe, ultimately, that the change to a more equitable legal standard, in which people can marry the person of their choice, regardless of gender, is a good and right thing. In the Netherlands, same-sex marriage has been legal for some time. Reports and stories indicate that it has had little effect on culture and life there. I also remember the struggle for adding sexual orientation to the civil rights statutes in Rhode Island, where I live, and the opponents’ dire predictions of social upheaval. The measure finally passed and nothing has changed, except that discrimination against folks with a same-sex orientation is now actionable (as it should be).

Polling results indicate how more and more people understand that the opportunity for same-sex couples to marry is only fair. It is completely wrong that someone who is one part of a same-sex couple together for, say 25 years, doesn’t have the legal right to make medical decisions for his/her partner if something bad happens. The most reasonable way to remedy this is to have the same marriage standard for all, gay or straight.

Dr. Lovemonkey totally rejects the notion that legalizing same-sex unions will have a negative effect on heterosexual unions. It will do nothing of the sort. I want to believe, years from now, that we will look back on the discrimination and prejudice faced by LGBT people and be ashamed.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net