Explain yourself

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My boyfriend broke up with me almost six months ago, and while I’m pretty much over it, there’s one nagging thing that continues to bother me. When he left, he just left, with no explanation or reason. After about a month, I asked him to explain himself a bit, but he couldn’t (or wouldn’t). A little later on, it became apparent to me that he had started a relationship with someone else a few weeks after leaving me. When I asked him if that had anything to do with his leaving, he claimed there was no connection between his involvement with someone else and his splitting up with me.

Even though, at this point, I’ve gotten to feeling glad we’re not together anymore, because there were other problems (that I don’t want to get into here), I’m still upset he won’t acknowledge how this other woman had something to do with his leaving. Maybe I’m wrong about this, but I don’t think so.

I don’t want to be driving myself crazy about this any more, but it still bothers me. Any suggestions on what I can do?

— Bewildered

Dear Bewildered,

You’re probably right about your suspicions if, after only a few weeks, he became involved with someone else. I’m assuming that he had known this other woman for a while. The fact that he denies it could be because he’s in a sort of denial himself. Although this other woman may have been in the back of his mind for some time, he refuses to make the mental connection, because he didn’t really act on it when he was with you. Of course, he’s only fooling himself.

What he has done is quite thoughtless. People need explanations and he won’t give you one, because he wants to appear to be blameless. Move on and know that you’re better off.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My girlfriend has become a very big fan of that guy, Dr. Phil, who has a TV show and used to be a regular on Oprah’s show. I’ve been trying to disabuse her of the notion that this guy is some sort of genius, but this is falling on deaf ears. That could be because my strongest evidence is that he looks far too much like the actor Jeffrey Tambor, who played Garry Shandling’s sidekick Hank on The Larry Sanders Show.

Maybe my evidence isn’t that strong, but I feel very wary about this guy. Do you agree, and do you know of any way to get her hip to the fact that this guy very likely could be a fraud?

— Worried in West Warwick

Dear Worried in WW,

Your girlfriend is right about one thing: suspecting Dr. Phil of being a fraud based on an uncanny resemblance to Jeffrey Tambor is not exactly compelling evidence. Dr. Phillip C. McGraw (Dr. Phil) is a clinical psychologist. He is not, however, an MD. This might give one reason to pause since his current crusade involves the epidemic of obesity in America. This is a worthy goal, and if Dr. Phil is able to help a lot of people due to his access to the media, good for him.

Still, you might want to point out to your girlfriend that Dr. Phil has entered into a licensing agreement with CSA Neutraceuticals, a Texas-based start-up company, to produce a line of nutritional supplements, vitamin packets, power bars, and meal-replacement drinks for sale at Wal-Mart, Walgreens, and Target stores. I’m not in a position to say that Dr. Phil doesn’t " care, " but he may care more about making millions than his credibility as a straight-talking, folksy guy. You might want to run that one by your girlfriend.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

My wife and I go to a fish and chips place on a regular basis. We really like their food, but we find it rather annoying that they serve it on paper plates, with plastic knives and forks. We were wondering if it might be okay to bring our own flatware into the place.

— Concerned Eater

Dear Concerned Eater,

Be thankful that they don’t serve the fish and chips in traditional English style by wrapping it in newspaper. Bringing your own flatware is not, to Dr. Lovemonkey’s way of thinking, a bad idea. Eating with plastic cutlery, indeed, is an affront. The other suggestion would be to order your fish and chips as take-out and eat it at home, where you have the proper tools.

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