The two-way

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I am 19 years old and find myself in a weird situation. For the past two-and-a-half years, I’ve been going out with a guy who I love dearly. Despite the fact that we broke up a few months ago, I still have very strong feelings for him. In the meantime, I began going out with another guy and didn’t feel a whole lot for him at first. But as time has gone on, I find myself more and more involved with him. I’m not sure if I am in love as I was before, but I know our relationship is meaningful and isn’t just a "fling" — as I originally saw it.

What can I do? I’m torn between two guys and don’t have a clue as to how to go on. I don’t want to give up completely on my first (and truest) love, but at the same time, I know there’s something between me and the guy I’ve been seeing for the last few months. What should I do?

— Very Confused

Dear Very Confused,

I don’t think you have to make any big decisions at 19. Your ex is still your ex, right? Well, then stick around awhile with the guy you’re with now. Perhaps you can even find a way to discuss your quandary with him. If he makes a solid attempt to understand, this is a pretty good guy. At the same time, pining for your ex won’t give you much solace. You’re young and the whole thing will play itself out one way or the other. Don’t feel strange or confused because you have strong feelings for two different guys. This isn’t unusual. There are a multitude of wonderful people out there and you have the capacity for falling in love with any number of them.

If your ex has moved on, you should too. If he hasn’t, then you need to take it slow and realize that these things take time. You’re only 19. Enjoy yourself and don’t believe that your current situation is the be-all and end-all. It is not unusual for someone to cling to an old love, but you’ve got to give the new guy a chance.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,

I’ve been going out with a woman for more than six months and I don’t know how to break this news to her. I really think she’s great, but she is a smoker. I am not and I really don’t like smoking, but I’m willing to be nonjudgmental about her smoking if she refrains from doing it in my home. It smells bad, it stains the curtains, and the smell lingers. I want to tell her about this, but I just haven’t screwed up the courage to do it. Any suggestions?

— T.J.

Dear T.J.,

Tell her you would prefer for her not to smoke in your house. If you can deal with her smoking, tell her so, but explain that you’re not into smoking yourself — and that you want to keep your home smoke-free.

Obviously, she already knows you’re not a smoker. People who smoke tend to know the health risks and have already been forced to make certain compromises. I would assume she’d be willing to make some adjustments. If not, you have to determine how important this relationship is to you. I suspect she’ll be willing to come up with a number of alternatives to keep your home free from second-hand smoke. The vast majority of smokers know their habit is unacceptable to others and have learned to compromise.

Send questions and romantic quandaries to RUDYCHEEKS@prodigy.net