A few hard men
BY PHILLIPE & JORGE
We've all seen the television commercial in which an attractive
African-American man strides into work, prompting his co-workers to inquire,
"Did you get your hair cut?," "Are you working out?," and "Were you on
vacation?"
Of course, none of these things explain his purposeful and confident manner. A
voice-over informs us that his heightened state is due to Viagra. This, in
turn, leads us to wonder if the guy is walking around with a pronounced woody.
We never get to see a full frontal shot, so we can't tell.
If we were the Viagra people ("Viagra people" -- now there's a concept!) we'd
continue the ad campaign, but we would also try to hire Secretary of Defense
Donald Rumsfeld as the model. Virtually everyone already believes the guy's
walking around all day in a state of arousal.
Grave measures
Isn't it cheery to know that Prescott Bush was linked with the Nazis through
his directorship at New York's Union Banking Corporation? As the Boston
Globe reported in 2001, the government seized the bank's assets under the
Trading with the Enemy Act during the early 1940s, "the sort of action that
could have ruined Bush's political dreams." Luckily for the patriarch of the
Bush clan, the press and his political opponents didn't pursue the matter
during his successful Senate campaigns a decade later. In what seems like an
extremely cynical and opportunistic turn, Prescott went on to travel the
country, raising millions to boost the morale of US troops during the war,
boosting his stature in the process.
We're sure that Poppy (Prescott's son) and Boy George (Prescott's grandson)
are a bit chastened that they can't live up to the old man's Nazi sympathizer
standards. Although they've demonstrated their support for placing business
over humanity, Dubya the Dumb and his dad have to settle for merely being
elitist racists.
It appears that an overdose of pharmaceuticals or missed meds was to blame
last week when Dubya said that anyone who opposes his war plan is committing
treason, and Rummy told Pentagon generals that they either attach their lips to
his president's posterior or he'll fire them. Rummy, of course, knows a great
deal about giving BJs to important people. This is what he was doing to a guy
named Saddam in the early 1980s -- when we were supplying Hussein with the
weapons of mass destruction that UN inspectors are now seeking in Iraq. Way to
turn the tables, Rummy, you addled old chicken hawk.
Now comes a wonderful story in the Denver Post, which no doubt
delighted the Bushies: the Pentagon is making plans to bulldoze American
soldiers into mass graves and burn their bodies if they have been killed by
chemical or biological weapons. No longer will you be able to say, as Country
Joe McDonald once had it, "be the first one on your block, to have your boy
come home in a box. And it's one, two, three . . . "
Sleep tight, Helen of Troy.
Long-distance call
Congrats to new House Speaker Bill Murphy for recalling the 21 cell phones
distributed to an array of General Assembly hacks, including his predecessor
Johnny Hardwood, who has yet to reimburse the state for more than $1700 in
personal cell phone calls. We got the usual BS excuses by the people who were
caught using the government-funded phones for their own important calls, such
as those to pet stores. And there was the expected sprint of their lendees to
repay the illegal charges, to cover their naked asses.
One person who got the full public exposure treatment was Hardwood's
administrative aide, Alisa Sarkisian, whose lengthy late night calls to Paoli,
Pennsylvania, seem to indicate a burning love interest. We would suggest that
Ms. Sarkisian either get her paramour to come to Vo Dilun and make her an
honest woman, or at least get him a job at RIC, a seductive technique employed
so effectively by the former speaker.
A man for all seasons
Flags at half-mast at Casa Diablo over the death of Dave Zucconi, Brown
University's number one sports ambassador, who passed away after a long,
hard-fought battle with cancer. (Kudos to the BeloJo's Bill Reynolds for his
touching column on Zucconi after his passing, as well as to the head of the
Friends of Brown Basketball, Russ Tyler, who wrote a wonderful homage to Dave
in his weekly e-mail to FOBB members.)
While Dave could be found at any virtually every Brown sporting event or
function, his reach extended beyond the world of athletics. One sign of this
was a seven-page e-mail received by one of Zucconi's close friends after word
went out that he had passed away. It was from Olivia Harrison, widow of George,
the legendary Liverpudlian guitarist and songwriter. Their son had gone to
Brown, where Zucconi befriended him and later became great pals with his
father, who would also fall victim to cancer.
You can't imagine two more different people than "The Quiet Beatle" and a
bellicose former jock who would bellow, "Let's go Brown," throughout Bruno
Uno's games, but it was vivid evidence of the magic that Zucconi carried with
him through his travels. P&J met Dave for the first time more than 30 years
ago, and he'll always be there in our mind's eye with his blue blazer,
strutting around like a rooster, giving your hand a shake that would
practically dislocate your shoulder and treating you like a king. We know
they'll have those season tickets to every contest waiting for you in heaven,
Mr. Zucconi.
Invisible men
Two very influential but publicly unknown men passed away this past week:
Edward Farhat and Marcel Jovine. Well, at least you wouldn't know them by their
names.
Farhat wrestled as "the Sheik," and was one of the sport's most notorious
drama kings, the first and baddest of the big-time ring villains. He was
instrumental in bringing wrestling big-time onto the American radar, along with
Killer Kowalski, Antonino Rocca, Golden Boy Buddy Rogers, and a host of other
freak show refugees, like midget wrestler Sky Low Low. P&J wonder how that
sheik act would play today. (Of course, someone would have to explain to Dubya
that it wasn't real.)
Marcel Jovine, meanwhile, was the inventor back in 1960 of the Visible Man and
Visible Woman, the anatomically correct see-through human models with removable
organs, a famous toy familiar to all Baby Boomers, and it's still being made
today. Jovine also invented the Visible Engine, a see-through V-8 well known to
motorheads everywhere. All three toys were incredible learning tools for kids,
a concept that contemporary toy manufacturers have either forgotten or beaten
into a pedantic death. And we didn't have two mommies back in those days,
either.
Herbie Holland
P&J were also shocked and saddened to hear of the death of Herbie Holland
last week. Herbie was one of those rare individuals who are always smiling,
enthusiastic, and encouraging. He had the rare ability to lift the spirits of
everyone he encountered. Phillipe and Jorge consider this a truly marvelous
gift, and it's something to be cherished in a frequently grim world. Herbie had
it in spades. He gave generously of himself, always willing to lend a hand for
charitable causes, whether volunteering to help or opening up his wallet. A
doting father and loving husband, it seems to us that Herbie Holland was the
kind of person we'd all like to be -- his care and concern for others was worn
on his sleeve. Rhode Island has lost an exemplary citizen and a fine person. He
will not be forgotten by his many, many friends and neighbors.
If you prick me, do I not bleed?
Nice start to the government's great anti-terrorist measure of vaccinating a
half-million frontline health care workers against smallpox, in case of a
biological weapons attack. Sixteen of 20 members of Connecticut's crack
"Genesis Team" of medical specialists said, "no thanks" to the offer, fearing
the possible side effects more than Osama bin Laden's shady minions. Quote of
the Week goes to Genesis Team member Dr. Robert Fuller, an emergency room
physician, who gave the injection a miss, saying, "I'm feeling fine, thank
you." One side effect of the program for the Bushies: A very red face.
Peace work
The Bush Administration continues to rattle the sabers for military action in
Iraq, putting the lie to its claim that war is the "final option." We happen to
agree with the vast majority of the rest of the world about war in Iraq, and
urge others to make their feelings known. Here are a number of ongoing
opportunities for those who want to send a message to our government:
On Fridays from 4:30 to 5:30 p.m., a peace vigil is gathering on Kennedy
Plaza, Providence, in front of the post office. This group has been there, off
and on (mostly on) for many years, addressing a variety of issues of justice
and peace. People are also meeting Monday through Friday at 1 p.m. at Memorial
Park (across from the court building on South Main Street in Providence), and
Fridays from 12:30 to 1 p.m. at Manning Chapel (the main green of Brown
University at Prospect and College streets).
And, on Sunday, February 2 at 3 p.m., a large and diverse coalition of local
religious, social, labor, community, veteran, immigrant, and student groups are
sponsoring "No War: A Gathering for Peace and Justice" at the Beneficent Church
on Weybosset Street (at the corner of Chestnut, just up from PPAC). The
coalition invites you to join in a gathering to oppose the United States'
unilateral approach to preemptive war with Iraq. "This group is gathering to
call on the administration and our elected officials to let the inspections
work," says Anna Galland, master of ceremonies for the gathering, and program
coordinator of the American Friends Service Committee in southeastern New
England, one of the cosponsors.
If you feel strongly that our country is headed down the wrong path, these are
opportunities to let your concerns be known.
Kudos and congrats . . .
. . . to ace BeloJo reporter Tracy Breton, for her excellent front-page story
in Sunday's Other Paper on Howard Gilbert, the former FBI informant, who fled
Florida only to materialize in the Biggest Little, charged with carrying guns
without a permit. A great read.
. . . to Patriots head coach Bill Belichick, for his wonderful essay in the
New York Times op-ed section on Super Bowl Sunday, which described what
that day's winning coach could look forward to in the upcoming year. The
acknowledged defensive genius and Wesleyan grad displayed his well-known
intelligence and well-disguised wit in a piece that should make us all proud to
be New England fans.
Send polo ponies and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.
Issue Date: January 31 - February 6, 2003
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