New brooms
BY PHILLIPE & JORGE
An old friend of Phillipe and Jorge, Rosemary Pork-Tenderloin, sends an urgent
missive: "So where's the Big Audit?"
Ah yes, new gubbiner Don Carcieri made hay during the campaign with the
proclamation that the first order of business in his administration would be
the so-called "Big Audit." But unless the Don is employing Kathy "Faster,
Pussycat, Kill, Kill" Gregg, the BeloJo's ace State House reporter, we have yet
to see a squadron of accountants -- decked out with pocket-protectors full of
Number 2 pencils and green visors with the gubernatorial crest -- digging deep
into the books at Halitosis Hall.
Yes, the Don has publicly broached the issue of questionable legislative
finances (urged along by Gregg's exceptional recent expose in the Urinal),
calling for a major reduction in same, and rightly so. The response of
lawmakers to Carcieri's request for a 25 percent cut in General Assembly
spending -- "I don't think we can do it," said William Murphy, the new House
speaker -- was hardly the reaction sought by the Don or even P&J. (Note to
our beloved old buddy Larry Berman, now PR man for the House leadership --
you've got some work to do with the speaker. Good luck.) Still, this is hardly
our idea of a "Big Audit." Let's get cracking up there, Donny.
To his credit, Carcieri has shown very good initiative in other areas,
especially calling for more funding for education and driving a stake into the
heart of the proposed container port at Quonset Point. (Mr. Governor, when we
get around to the Big Audit, how about a tally on how much Bigfoot spent on
pursuing this turkey of an idea while he was in office? Run the numbers and we
can send him the bill in Wellfleet.) We would nonetheless advise the Don that
even the most shameless of nepotists on Smith Hill would wait at least a month
before hiring one of their niece's for a job. Blood is thicker than audits, we
guess.
As to politicos coming and going in the new regime, P&J are extremely
sorry to see how the Don and the General Assembly are in essence rejecting the
Missing Linc's nomination of Paul Suttell for the Rhode Island Supreme Court.
We greatly like and respect Paul for his intelligence, character, and good
humor. Although this initial nomination to replace the late Supreme John
Bourcier is now history, we hope Suttell is put up again, to succeed the
recently deceased Victoria Lederberg.
Speaking of jurisprudence, a teary farewell to fragrant, funny, and fantastic
US attorney Meg Curran, who is soon to be replaced by some two-bit GOP shyster
hack appointed by the Bushies. Excuse us, we meant some other extremely
talented legal eagle. The queen of Plunder Dome did a fantastic job during her
tenure, and she should have the respect and admiration of everyone in the
Biggest Little. Unfortunately, Meg is battling multiple sclerosis, and while it
has never impeded her hard work to date, she says it's getting to a stage where
even walking is becoming difficult. This probably explains why we found our
friend sitting under the pool table in the Boom Boom Room during our New Year's
Eve party at Casa Diablo, with a quart of Colt 45 in each hand, taking large
gulps from each in succession and screaming, "Cheers, Buddy!" with every
swallow.
Finally, P&J are muy concerned about the major changes in the
attorney general's office with the ascension of Patrick Lynch. Some highly
respected prosecutors and attorneys have essentially been shit-canned for no
good reason, other than Patrick wanting to have his own people in their place.
Lynch claims he hasn't made as many changes as previous incoming AGs, who have
represented different parties, increasing the trend toward major housecleaning,
and that his is a very diverse staff. Patrick's moves have nonetheless
displaced a great deal of good will with others in the judicial system, not to
mention the depletion of invaluable institutional memory in the office. This
not a smart move.
We thought that Patrick would be above the kind of cronyism that his father
and brother have displayed in the past, but it is starting to smell a great
deal like politics a la The Bucket, Pahtucket. C'mon, Pat, you're a Brown
man for God's sake. Show some smarts.
Holy joke, Batman!
A stomach-turning moment last week with Senator Joseph Lieberman's announcement
that he is running for president.
Holy Joe is known as "the conscience of the Senate" (and that's an oxymoron if
we've ever heard one), notably because he dared to challenge Hollywood about
the sex and violence in movies and on TV. Wow. Bow-wow. There's a burning
political issue for you. Lieberman, essentially an insufferable whiner and
spineless git, didn't even have the dignity to forsake his Senate seat when he
signed on to run for vice president with Al "Two-by-Four" Gore. Boy, that's
really showing the kind of team spirit that inspires confidence in others.
Don't go rock climbing with Lieberman, because if you're tied to him and start
to fall, he'll have the Bowie knife out, sawing frantically at the rope as you
pass him by on the way down.
Holy Joe was almost as invisible on the Gore 2000 campaign trail as Bill
Clinton (Two-by-Four having decided to instead feature his wife, Tipper,
oblivious to how she was the second most-despised person in the country, except
for himself). Now, though, he has pushed out a vanity book about he and his
wife's excellent adventure in politics with the Bores, to coincide with the
announcement of his new presidential ambition. The said spouse, Hadassah (named
after an extremist Jewish women's luncheon/terrorist sect), is almost as
unbearable as Holy Joe, although she does help accentuate the ethnicity angle.
(Hey, don't get us wrong. Some of P&J's best friends are
black-Latino-Jewish-Muslim-transgendered voodoo worshippers.) And as
sanctimonious as Holy Joe can be, he's basically a conservative, joining fellow
presidential aspirants John "Ken Doll" Edwards, Bob "Who he?" Graham, and the
increasingly demented Richard "Look ma, no eyebrows!" Gephardt in attacking
Illinois Governor George Ryan's action in commuting the death sentences of 167
prisoners.
Last we looked, the Democratic primary race is being wholly determined by who
gets on "Imus in the Morning" with the most regularity. This might give
Lieberman a fighting chance due to his history of sucking up to the radio host.
Kudos, though, to Imus for citing straight to Holy Joe's face how he bailed on
his position on multiple issues to align himself with Al Bore after being
tabbed for veepship, despite Lieberman's fatuous claims that it wasn't so. But
Holy Joe already appears to be a forgotten relic of a horrible 2000 disaster.
If only John Kerry would just pull himself up on his hind legs, trot out his
Vietnam credentials, and slap National Guard duty-dodging Dubya around in
public, there might be cause for hope.
Say it ain't so, Marjoe
Phillipe ran shrieking through Casa Diablo last Friday, January 17, when he saw
the picture of local singing star Billy Gilman on the front page of the
Deadbeat section of the Urinal. It appears as if the youngster has become the
victim of a ghastly joke by some makeover artist with a crush on Zsa Zsa Gabor.
It's bad enough that Li'l Billy already has the skin-crawling lounge lizard
moves of the young Wayne Newton, but now he has ventured into Marjoe territory,
with curly hair and more makeup than Tammy Faye Bakker, with the kind of frozen
grin on his face usually reserved for people who have had more facelifts than
hot dinners. Better change that title from the King of Hope Valley to the Queen
of Hope Valley, son. Either that or get a crew cut, some acne, and come back to
Earth as a normal teenager.
Twisting Patrick's arm
On Tuesday, January 21, members of the www.moveon.org peace campaign had a
meeting with representatives of US Representative Patrick Kennedy at Pawtucket
City Hall to try to convince him to join the rest of the Vo Dilun congressional
delegation in opposing the Bush Administration's proposed war in Iraq. As part
of a national effort to stem the tide toward war, members of the organization
visited 400 other congressional offices the same day.
Local activist Karina Lutz is working with MoveOn and describes the thrust of
the national organization's peace initiative as, "A national movement to
question the rush to an escalation of war in Iraq." She uses the word
"escalation" quite purposely, noting that the United States has been
consistently bombing areas in Iraq for more than a decade. "We're working to
harness a broad public voice against the war," Lutz says. "We feel that
Congress should send a clear message [to the president] that it is not time yet
. . . Let's let the [UN weapons] inspectors do their jobs and not rush them."
MoveOn was started in 1998 by Joan Blades and Wes Boyd, two Silicon Valley
entrepreneurs. Although they had no experience in politics, they shared a deep
frustration with many friends and family about the impending Clinton
impeachment and a lack of congressional leadership to bring a quick resolution.
The peace campaign was started independently by Eli Pariser from Maine. In the
days following September 11, Pariser launched an online petition calling for a
peaceful response to break the cycle of violence. After more than 100,000 in
the United States and a half-million worldwide quickly signed on, Pariser
joined forces with MoveOn and he's now their international campaigns
director.
Marty's coming to town
Despite the many teary eyes over the departure of the kitsch Providence
television series on NBC, the Biggest Little has, shall we say, a bit more of a
prestigious show biz event scheduled for Monday, January 27. Martin Scorsese,
regarded by many (including P&J) as one of the greatest film directors
working, will be in Our Little Towne to receive the first distinguished
artist's award from Brown University's Creative Arts Council at 4:30 p.m. It's
at the Salomon Center on campus. Scorsese will discuss his work and take
questions from the audience in a session moderated by Michael "Self-Styled
Victim of Hollywood's Gay Mafia" Ovitz.
Obviously, seating is limited and will be available on a first come-first
served basis. And, in case you're thinking about rubbing elbows with the master
(or the loathsome Ovitz), be apprised that the event will take place in the
upper level of Salomon Center, to be simulcast to lower Salomon Hall. If you're
a film fanatic, however, you do not want to miss this one.
RIP . . .
. . . Al Hirschfeld, a great artist and, by all accounts a cool guy. He lived
to the ripe old age of 99, but his iconic illustrations will live forever.
Send heated earmuffs and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.
Issue Date: January 24 - 30, 2003
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