High on the Hill
BY PHILLIPE & JORGE
It isn't everywhere in a space of 20 yards that you can meet and greet, in
succession, Brown University President Ruth Simmons, Judge Rogeriee Thompson,
political guru Darrell West, and the one and only Mayor Buddy "Vincent A."
Cianci. But you can pull off this trick when Brown has its annual graduation
march through the college green and down College Hill, an enjoyable mutual
love-fest that includes more future CEOs, high-powered lawyers, and masters of
the universe that you can shake a diploma at.
While grads, alumni, and attentive relatives played spot the celebrity as the
promenade to Benefit Street unfolded on Memorial Day, the star of the show was
undoubtedly Bruno Uno's new president. Flashing a million-dollar smile (which,
coincidentally, is the cost of Brown's tuition), Ruth Simmons again had the
crowd eating out of her hand. The prexy's push for need-blind admissions, among
other new and enlightened programs, has made her one of the most-watched
university officials in the country and heightened Brown's already considerable
status, occasional bouts of political correctness that can't even pass the
laugh test notwithstanding.
Still, seeing hordes of alumni and the 2000-plus class of 2002 trotting out
the banners and beanies is one of the more enjoyable pomp and circumstance
ceremonies to take place in Our Little Towne. Adding to the mix a professional
rogue like the Bud-I just makes it all that much more fun. Between the RISD
fashion show, the march of the Brownies, and the patron saint of Plunder Dome,
it just don't get much better in La Prov.
Fools on the Hill
Speaking of Providence hills: Over on Smith Hill, one gets the opposite of the
College Hill experience at Halitosis Hall, which is reaching new levels of
incompetence in state government, with the focus on total mismanagement of the
state's finances.
Not only were there incredibly off-base revenue projections during the last
budget-planning cycle, we're now seeing our tobacco settlement fund being
snatched for a short-term, short-sighted fill-in of the shortfalls. This is
essentially to cover the asses of the simpletons in the General Assembly who
put together this train wreck of a financial plan.
These flagrant missteps have been taken by not just Governor Bigfoot, but the
House and Senate geniuses who are so protective of their obscene powers to
"oversee" spending and provide similar oversight to quasi-government boards
through a conflicted and flawed system that breeds corruption, arrogance, and
abuse of power. More moronic ideas, like cutting education aid and health
services to children, are now included. Not to mention, thanks to Bigfoot's
Folly, a.k.a. the proposed megaport at Quonset Point, spending $1.5 million
more of our bucks on an environmental impact statement that will never be
completed since the large, lazy lame duck departs at year's end. His successor
will doubtless jettison this deranged idea of a container port on the bay. And
let's not forget that while the average taxpayer take the hit, Neanderthals
with insider access at the State House, like Vinnie "Federal Hillbilly"
Mesolella, get tax breaks for their development projects.
Tony Pires, ousted as House Finance Committee chair by slippery Speaker Pucky
Harwood, must be having a great chuckle as Gordon Fox and his pals get it all
wrong and threaten the state's financial future. But this is no laughing matter
when one looks at the bigger picture. We hope someone with a bit of sense will
start demanding fiscal responsibility, and the use of even a fragment of common
sense and decency in spending priorities.
Sleep tight, boys and girls, knowing the General Assembly is watching over
your piggy banks while you're dozing.
Male bag
We received these thoughtful comments recently from our friend Tom S.: "Have
you guys noticed that one side-effect of a supposedly all-powerful and evil
speaker (of the House) is that he's to blame for all the bad stuff the
legislature does? I've sent around a bunch of e-mails asking people to call
their reps about the budget and my friends report back that the message those
reps give them is, `It's inevitable.' And, if it's inevitable, why resist?
"It's so convenient to have Harwood around as a handy-dandy, all-purpose
scapegoat; somehow his existence relieves the pressure on legislators of having
to vote on principle or anything as risky as that."
Good point, Tom. Your superior correspondents are alarmed by the fact that
House legislators voted to eliminate the $100 weatherization payment to
families receiving cash assistance, and to reduce the RIte Care health
insurance package while increasing insurance premiums for the program. To avoid
"increasing taxes" in an election year, legislators have also made serious
hikes in the cigarette and gasoline excise taxes, ultimately placing a greater
burden on the poor and working poor. If you're also alarmed that our
legislature is shifting more of the burden to those with the least resources -
as the gap between rich and poor widens -- you might want to write to your
representatives, as Tom has done.
Still suffering from gas?
While it's a relief to see that the United Steelworkers, Local 12431, are back
on the job after a protracted strike against the gas company, we should all
keep an eye on the ongoing hearings of the state Public Utilities Commission.
Apparently, one of the "unwritten" parts of the contract agreement was that the
union would tell its members to stay away from the hearings.
Let's see if PUC Chairman Elia Germani caves to the big bucks boys from New
England Gas and allows them to downgrade service. The PUC commissioners have
already fended off one attempt by the company to jack up prices, but you know
they're coming back for more. It'll all be coming down in the next month.
Bob's big adventure
Heeee's baccckk! Yes, Casa Diablo fave rave Bob Healey, founder of the Cool
Moose Party, former gubernatorial candidate, and all-around good guy has thrown
his splendid coiffure in the ring once again. This time, Bob's running for
lieutenant governor, and despite the fact that we've never been on the same
political wavelength as Bob (he's a bit too libertarian for our taste), he's
generally more intelligent, honest, and thought-provoking than most of the pols
in the majority parties.
Bob's campaign this time is basically a single issue: Do we really need a
lieutenant governor? Bob takes pains to point out that he's not criticizing our
current lieutenant governor, the currently unmarried Charlie Fogarty, or any of
his recent predecessors. His point is that outside of presiding over the Senate
and assuming the role of governor when the chief executive leaves the state,
there's not much left for the LG to do.
Since 1992, constitutional changes have given governors the power to retain
power while out of the state, and with the current legislative downsizing, the
lieutenant governor will no longer be presiding over the Senate. The sole
function will be to wait in case the governor becomes incapacitated or dies in
office. With salary and a number of full-time staff, the tab for the office is
$700,000, and Bob considers this a waste.
So here is Bob Healey's pledge to Rhode Island voters: "If elected, I stand
ready as lieutenant governor to do all of my constitutional duties under the
law, without compensation. I will not hire a staff and I will seek to eliminate
the office through an amendment of the Rhode Island Constitution."
This is not the first time that a candidate for lieutenant governor has made
such a pledge. The best thing about the Healey campaign is that it will free
Bob up to have some fun -- and Bob definitely knows how to have fun. As his
anti-Friends message promises, "I won't be there for you."
The superior Mets
If you've been reading any of the New York gossip columnists lately, you may
have noticed that many seem to be waiting with bated breath for someone on the
New York Mets to officially announce that he's gay. Neal Travis of the New
York Post recently reported on Mets' manager Bobby Valentine's musings on
the subject. This week, MSNBC gossip Jeannette Walls added, "From the
What-a-waste-if-he's-not-even-going-to-use-it Department: Openly heterosexual
baseball hunk Mike Piazza's penthouse has two walk-in closets."
Let's just hope that somebody comes out and comes out fast. Then, maybe dozens
of other major leaguers will also come out and this whole stupid guessing game
will fade where it belongs -- into the prehistoric past. Of course, P&J
were always of the opinion that, with the exception of a half-dozen members of
the St. Louis Cardinals, everyone in major league baseball is gay.
A fond farewell
More brain-drain at the Urinal, as word reaches Casa Diablo that reporter Liz
Abbott is about to depart. Phillipe and Jorge first met Ms. Abbott when she was
a waitress at the late, lamented Leo's, and we were monitoring cocktail quality
control. The lissome Liz has been at the Other Paper for 18 years, and she'll
be missed for her talent and enthusiasm for a good story.
She informs us that this doesn't presage the departure of her close personal
friend and colleague, our old buddy, sportswriter Bill Reynolds. We figure
anyone who can get away with writing weekly bulleted copy on trashy novels and
new movies under the guise of sports would be nuts to give up that piece o'
cake gig. Good luck, Liz, and sorry to see you go.
Send space rocks and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.
Issue Date: May 31 - June 6, 2002
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