So what's all the fuss about the Missing Linc's crack Constituent Affairs
office giving the green light to the proclamation declaring April as
"Confederate History and Heritage Month" in the Biggest Little? Although it's
long been rumored that Vo Dilun battled for the Union in the Civil War, the
fact is that we have quite a bit in common with the Confederacy. For one thing,
they used slaves and we provided them.
Well, perhaps this isn't the sort of thing we want to talk about too much.
It's certainly not the sort of thing that a number of the wealthiest old-line
Vo Dilun families care to discuss.
Issues of the Triangle Trade aside, it seems that the folks over in the guv's
Constituent Affairs office have been taking their cues from the Big Guy
himself, slowing to a crawl in anticipation of January 2003, which, after all,
is just around the corner.
One of the Linc's press aides, Tom "Kill me if I return to radio" Kogut, tells
your superior correspondents the office averages about 25 requests a week for
special proclamations and citations, and that the one for Confederate Heritage
month just fell between the cracks. Still, we wonder why the word "Confederacy"
didn't raise a few red (or rebel) flags at the State House, in much the same
way that the word "quahog" might have sparked a few questions in a request for
a proclamation from the volunteer state of Tennessee.
The whole thing was so monumentally silly that it even caught the attention of
Susan Stamberg, co-host of National Public Radio's All Things
Considered. She rang up Casa Diablo on Monday, March 11, to chat with Jorge
about quahogs, coffee milk, and our recently discovered Confederate heritage.
We told Susan about South County, but she seemed more interested in an anecdote
relayed by a fragrant Casa Diablo regular who once worked in the Constituent
Affairs office of the Sundlun administration. Since she's still a State House
mainstay, we will protect her cover. After all, if the folks up there suspect
that she has an aroma about her of Pernod and grapefruit, she might be ridden
off of Smith Hill on a rail.
Anyway, our source tells us that a few persistent souls regularly tried to get
an "L. Ron Hubbard Day" declared in Vo Dilun. With a GOP administration in
control, there would have been a window of opportunity in the past few years,
of course, if the founder of Scientology and author of many a preposterous
sci-fi tome had legally changed his name to "N. Ron Hubbard." But we all know
how that went.
What a 'time'
Just as the Phoenix went to press, a scrambled cell phone dispatch
came from P&J, from somewhere under a table at the 1025 Club during the
Sheldon Whitehouse roast.
Usual suspects on hand in excess of 700, from Dem ward heelers to uber-yuppies.
King Sherbet and Queen Sandy reigning supreme, mixing with the bootless and
unhorsed. James Carville -- "I'm here because Mark Weiner asked me to come" --
was the clear star of show, or at least the only one, besides the Whitebreads,
who the crowd actually listened to. Weiner typically talks too long and then
tries to hawk books for his stars. Begala, looking like a busboy, tells
tortured jokes, and Phillipe mistakenly asks him to get another tray of hors
d'oeuvres during cocktail hour.
Bakst roaming through the crowd, hunched over and talking into a tape recorder
-- only needs a shopping cart in front of him filled with returnables to look
homeless. Hardest news item: John Chan of Chan's musical fame informs us his
dog and Sherbet's are brothers. Stillborn Pell and Captain Blowhard Sundlun sit
together -- that ought to be a scintillating conversation. Talk about free
verse.
Line of the night: Carville saying, "God, it's nice to see so many of you out
of jail . . . Although I look around and see lots of you who should be in
jail." Ba-boom!
New candidate for mayor
Looks like another candidate is poised to toss his hat in the ring for a shot
at Providence City Hall. Keith Oliveira, the charter schools administrator for
the Rhode Island Department of Education, and current chairman of the board of
directors for Urban Ventures Inc., a state-funded small business incubator
based in South Providence, is all but ready to go as the fourth announced
candidate.
The strategy of Oliveira, who's young, handsome, smart, and energetic, will be
to develop grassroots coalitions among folks active in the urban, minority,
civil rights, and anti-poverty communities. The Hope High School and URI
graduate is another attractive candidate worth checking out.
Hey, Phoenix, how about one of these deals for P&J?
Your superior correspondents, always concerned that we might commit some sort
of faux pas, have become aficionados of the pratfalls of others. This is why
we've been following the tale of Suzy Wetlaufer, former editor of the
Harvard Business Review, who lost her gig last week because of some
"conflicts of interest" (a concept, that although accepted in most parts of the
Western World, remains virtually unknown in the state of Vo Dilun). The
conflict in this case had to do with the fact that the magazine was doing a
major story on former GE head ramrod "Neutron Jack" Welch at the same time that
Ms. Wetlaufer was boning him (kind of gives new meaning to being head ramrod,
eh?).
A number of staff members, highly exercised about this breach of faith, called
for Suzy's head and it was announced March 8 that she was resigning since her
behavior had reduced the staff's confidence in her leadership.
The Wall Street Journal of Monday, March 11, however, reports that the
terms of her leaving are, well, kind of nice. Although she'll no longer be
editor, Suzy gets to a) keep her office; b) continue full-time after a break of
only a couple of weeks; and c) have a new title -- "editor at large." Very
large, we'd say.
And who helped her get this sweet deal? Lawyer Robert Popeo, former counsel
for our favorite ex-con governor, Ed "Gerber Babe" DiPrete, apparently helped
craft the agreement. And who led Wetlaufer to Popeo? Why it seems that
Bonemaster Welch, who had employed Popeo in his GE days, made a few phone calls
for Suzy.
So, when do Phillipe & Jorge get this kind of job protection, hmmm?
The incredible shrinking paper, part 456
The Urinal's claim that the closing of its Newport bureau wouldn't affect their
local news coverage was about as on the mark as most of the other flimsy
excuses that management is using to cut costs and abandon quality.
Case in point is the front-page story in the Newport Daily News of
March 7 about a Jamestown town council member being accused, by the father of
his late wife, of allegedly having had a hand in her death while scuba diving
two years ago in Tortola. When did the BeloJo get around to reporting this? How
about Sunday, March 10 -- not bad for being three days late and at least a
sawbuck short.
While Jamestown technically falls within the jurisdiction of the Urinal's
South County bureau, does anyone really think it would take this long to get
this story into the paper if Jerry O'Brien was still manning the old Pelham
Street office? Guess it takes a while for news to reach Wakefield or Warren,
eh, Joel? Saddle up those horses, Carol.
Meanwhile, the brain trust on Fountain Street forgot to register the domain
name www.providencejournal.com which, because of the brand name, was happily
glommed onto by some folks with no connection to the Other Paper.
Jockular
Phillipe and Jorge loved the comments in Sports Illustrated of Fernando
Cuza, the agent for handsome 37-year-old baseball star Rafael Palmeiro. Cuza
signed his client to promote Viagra, as Pfizer is moving away from using Bob
Dole to celebrate the getting of a boner (we shudder at the thought of Bob and
Liddy getting it on). Asked if it might cast doubts on Rafael's ability to get
good wood when at home plate, Cuza said, "I want to be clear that Rafael does
not suffer this problem. But he knows the size of the problem." So do we,
Rafey. Size does matter.
Lies, damned lies
One of the most troubling aspects of contemporary life, vis-à-vis the US
war on terrorism, is the transformation of the American public into the
equivalent of brain-dead sheep watching Rambo flicks. That plans like the
Office of Strategic Influence -- with a mission to spread misinformation --
could almost come to fruition is appalling, frightening, and beyond an insult
to the American public. What is going on with Boy George and his professional
prevaricators is not only lunatic, but dangerous.
"We're outraged!" said no one, referring to these distortions of truth. Not
least of the silence is coming from our own congressional delegation. Are our
normally reliable politicians too timid to scream foul? Claiming that they
didn't know or weren't told isn't enough. If they weren't told, they should be
furious, and screaming bloody murder. If they did know and kept quiet, they
should be ashamed.
No, the people who are really pursuing the truth these days are the media, who
dare insult the Bushies by asking for information. These are reporters who
don't roll over or do what they're told, and these scribes are working for the
people's right to know. Daniel Pearl died pursuing the truth in Pakistan.
A few years back, P&J recall meeting in Sumatra an Indonesian national TV
network cameraman named Ahá. Ahá (a wonderful name for a video
journalist) had just returned from a tour of the worst of battles and massacres
in East Timor, highlighted by people defying death to vote for their
independence -- an event duly reported by journalists, although not without
peril. Asked if he had seen anyone die, Ahá told us that Indonesian
government-backed thugs murdered the Dutch reporter he'd been working with.
"Mutilasi," he murmured, not needing a translation, as he looked down
and slowly shook his head.
Let's not permit the abhorrent bullyboys of Bush to allow our American values
of speaking truth to end up mutilasi as well.
Send wild boars and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.
Issue Date: March 15 - 21, 2002
