An American tragedy
BY PHILLIPE & JORGE
The moronic quote of the week comes from Donna Morrissey, spokeswoman for
Cardinal Bernard Law, after Steven Lynch, who says a priest sexually abused him
when he was nine years old, accosted and yelled at the controversial cardinal
during Mass at Cathedral of the Holy Cross on Sunday, March 3. Morrissey called
it "tragic" that hundreds of parishioners should be interrupted during Mass by
the obviously disturbed victim.
And what would be the word to describe the experience of the hundreds of
children who were abused by the pedophile and pederast priests under Law's
negligent jurisdiction?
Donna?
The perfect storm
As Casa Diablo rocked like it was on the high seas, the windows all but blew
out, and the housekeeping staff huddled together in fear down below, Phillipe
and Jorge screamed into the wind. It was an expression of joy about a gathering
storm of schlock celebrity events that would certainly turn the bad taste bell
crimson with shame. Monica Lewinsky's HBO docu-soap, Monica in Black and
White, set the stage for Tonya Harding boxing Paula Jones on TV, not to
mention the big, big Liza Minnelli nuptials being performed before a cast of
thousands of anatomically restructured zombies and screamers who have
collectively slept with (or starred opposite) every form of life on the planet,
from aardvarks to zygotes. Talk about going overboard!
Fresh from taking loofah-demolishing showers after watching Monica, Bill,
Linda Tripp, Ken Starr, and a cast of thousands of infantile, apoplectic TV
talking heads reprise their glory days on film, P&J were predicting that
the March 13 fisticuffs on Fox channels between the two baddest of the bad
girls -- Tonya and her initially announced opponent, Amy Fisher -- would draw a
viewing audience surpassing that of the recent Super Bowl. What could be better
than seeing Tonya, whose only current acquaintance with ice is with the cubes
in her Jack Daniel's, brandishing another hubcap with evil intent, while the
Long Island Lolita employs her crafty ways of getting inside on her opponent:
"Knock-knock. Who's there? Buttafuoco. Buttafuoco who? Buttafuoco yourself,
sister! Bang!"
But Amy has inexplicably pulled out (something Joey never thought of doing) of
the bout, and she's reportedly being replaced by Paula Jones, one of the many
women who managed to be "on President Clinton's staff" without ever working in
the West Wing. We would imagine the odds heavily favoring Tonya in this Trailer
Park Tumble. After all, she's the athlete and there's a strong likelihood that
Paula will merely cover up and run, not wanting her heavily reconstructed face
to be damaged. Add the fact that a dramatic victory for Tonya might be just the
little nudge she needs to receive financing for the Nude Skating Show she was
proposing in Las Vegas a few months back and this one looks like a (pardon the
expression) blowout.
While our mighty Mayor Buddy "Vincent A." Cianci will be attending Liza's
nuptials, even he can't match the star wattage of bridesmaid Liz "National
Velveeta" Taylor and the weirdest man on earth, Michael Jackson. Hide the
doughnuts and male children, folks. (Although we're not too concerned that Vo
Dilun's own Billy Gilman, another announced performer at the wedding, will be
in Jacko's orbit. Off-stage, we suspect that he's about as sweet and naïve
as Dick Clark after a fifth of Johnnie Walker Black.)
Needless to say, P&J are already on the prowl, looking for skating tutus
and chimpanzee costumes to look our best on both occasions. (Note: We're
reminded that Indonesians call the deadly sea snakes in their waters "Michael
Jacksons." Why? Because they're black and white. Terima kasih dong!)
Ms. Roundtree speaks
Your superior correspondents were on hand last Thursday, February 28, for an
afternoon housewarming party thrown by the Rhode Island Commission for Human
Rights at its new office on Westminster Street in Providence. The ever-gracious
Gene Booth, longtime executive director of the commission, was our genial host.
He did a great job of treading water after the brief ceremonial element of the
reception had ended and one of the speakers had yet to show. If you've been
attending Vo Dilun events as long as P&J, you have undoubtedly guessed who
the tardy speaker was. In the Biggest Little, "Waiting for Bud-I" is about as
famous as "Waiting for Lefty" or "Waiting for Godot."
Christine Roundtree, the executive director of Providence Human Relations
Commission, provided some drama and honesty (as is her style) when she offered
a rather graphic illustration of how far we have to go in racial relations. It
was the January 21 edition of USA Today with a front-page story about
the governors of our 50 states, accompanied by this headline: "These are
America's Governors. No Blacks. No Hispanics."
Ms. Roundtree noted that the BeloJo's Charlie Bakst had written eloquently
about the disgrace of an all-white governors club, adding that "he is to be
commended and I am grateful for his voice." Still, she pointed out that "the
perception is clear that our people will not be elected to high local office
for a long, long while -- when the `time is right,' no doubt. I am reminded of
the 1960s protest chant, `If not now, when: If not you, who?' "
Roundtree praised blacks and Latinos who "indeed accept, without rancor, our
white fellow citizens who do not face the obstacle of color. Further, to the
many non-minorities who work with us everyday, year after year, decade by
decade in an effort to finally achieve some real measure of equality, I say,
`Thank you from the depths of my heart.' "
She ended by asking, "When will this change? `If not now, when?' Perhaps one
day, with the continued dedication of a few impassioned, good people in many
cities and towns across this country, there will come an outcry for equal
rights the likes of which America has not witnessed since the 1963 March on
Washington. Who will these good people be? `If not you, who?'
"In the meantime, we get through our days with steady resolve. We have lived
through the time of promise to the time of utter disappointment. The dream
remains deferred. We will not, however, be defeated although our spirits at
times may falter. The saddest question of all, though, is what do we tell our
children about the circumstances awaiting them?"
P&J are also saddened that the people who most need to hear Ms.
Roundtree's impassioned words, in toto, were not those in attendance.
Male bag
Jim Head, Casa Diablo regular, the world-renowned man about the Brown
University geology department (forget about Jim Morrison -- this guy's a real
"rock star"), forwards an item from the UK's Daily Telegraph about the
seven-foot "William Blackstone" Mr. Potato Head sent by the City of Pawtucket
to Belper, its British "sister city." The Telegraph notes, "Residents of
a market town have fallen out with their American twin over a seven-foot
plastic potato sent as a friendship gift . . . [They] were so disgusted by what
they called an eyesore that it has been removed and sent to a playground in a
neighbouring town."
Another Casa D guy, "TC," noticed an unfortunate choice of words in a
Boston Herald article on the still-unfolding pedophile priests scandal
in the Diocese of Boston. A top financial adviser to Bernard Law was quoted as
saying that that the cardinal would "bend over backwards" to compensate the
victims.
And, finally, the ever-on-the-ball Tom S. writes to second comments in last
week's column on WSBE-Channel 36, adding that we shouldn't forget that there
are actually two "public" television stations in Vo Dilun. The other is State
House TV, created by the legislature.
Tom explains that State House TV has "15 people on staff, including a
`producer director,' `general manager,' `TV director' and secretary. All
unclassified, of course . . . they pay about $900,000 a year in salaries
alone." We can't, of course, make a detailed analysis of how much money is
being lavished on State House TV in comparison to the crumbs being offered to
36, because the figures are buried in other budgetary parts of the Joint
Committee on Legislative Services.
Tom finally points out, "Channel 36 could easily supply the services State
House TV provides and put the technicians and equipment to good use the rest of
the year." But as Tom, P&J, and everyone else who regularly reads this
column already knows, that ain't gonna happen. There are just too many
"connected" people or relatives of powerful Assembly members that need
servicing, and that obviously takes priority over the Biggest Little having a
functional public television station.
What hearings?
Those who read only the Urinal or watch local TV stations were certainly in the
dark about the hearing held in Pawtucket by the National Labor Relations Board
over the last week. The 45 charges go back to 1999 and come from the ongoing
dispute between the Providence Newspaper Guild and the Urinal management. But
what do nearly four-dozen charges of union busting against one of Little
Rhody's most visible businesses and major employers have to do with news (says
Henry Sharpe)? See the cover story in this week's Phoenix to learn
more.
The wrap-up of testimony followed a week-long Guild tour de force on the stand
by administrator Tim Schick, and Urinal journalists and Guild members Karen Lee
Ziner, Cynthia Benjamin, and Doreen Tracey, as well as former Guild
rabble-rouser Brian C. Jones, who left the paper in the buyout and has recently
penned some pieces for this esteemed publication. (The boy's upwardly mobile,
don'tcha know?)
One wonders why local TV stations have avoided covering the hearings, although
their absence of real news is hardly a stop-the-presses event, so to speak, and
management empty suits do tend to look after their own. But given the fact that
Bigfoot's son, Lincoln D. Almond is one of the lawyers, P&J thought there
might be more than just a passing interest in how the Urinal execs are screwing
their employees. Check out the www.journalontrial.org site and discover just
what is being censored daily by the Biggest Little's number one news outlet.
Maybe they are just saving space for that Billy Gilman concert review, or Mark
"Ward Cleaver" Patinkin's "Notes from Home" column.
Send crass remarks and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.
Issue Date: March 8 - 14, 2002
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