At least pigs feeding at a trough aren't expected to have scruples or morals, and they certainly don't have the ability to be so duplicitous and cynical as to be revolting. Not so lobbyists in Washington, DC.

As P&J noted here last week, the K Street bandits have done everything -- including declaring it their patriotic duty -- to get tax breaks on overseas services for such Big Biz clients as GE and IBM in the "economic stimulus" bill being pushed by Dubya and his GOP colleagues in Congress. Needless to say, the latter are wholly owned subsidiaries of Corporate America. This comes at the expense of the average citizen who's going to take the recession in the teeth, especially in light of September 11.

Did someone say 9-11? This is the justification being used by lobbyists for everything from getting the aforementioned tax breaks to drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The New York Times quoted Representative Edward Markey of Massachusetts, who says he's now hearing lines like, "The challenge is terrorism. The answer is to re-establish telecommunications monopolies . . . The challenge is terrorism. The answer is a $15 billion retroactive tax break to scores of corporations."

While this use of the terrorist attacks on America is heinous, Markey felt there are some lobbyists who can still toddle about on their hind legs: "No self-respecting lobbyist," he told the Times, "repackaged his position as a patriotic response to this tragedy." Well, self-respect, obviously, is at a premium in the nation's capitol these days. The attitude of these gutter-crawling white men in suits is summed up by James Albertine, a lobbyist quoted in the same article: "What happened is a tragedy, certainly, but there are opportunities. We're in business. This is not a charity." Not that you would know a charity if you saw one, Mr. Albertine. Sleep tight, Milo Mindbender.

Meanwhile, Phillipe & Jorge have been wondering about some of the unspoken "opportunities" that might be cropping up for some of our least favorite "public servants." The current atmosphere has certainly been an opportunity for Attorney General Ashcroft (who, like Falwell and Robertson, wears his authoritarian-style religious zealotry on his sleeve) to attack state laws in Oregon and California favoring assisted suicide and the availability of medical marijuana.

Of course, a real conservative (think of the late Barry Goldwater) would stand tall for state's rights. Ashcroft's actions vis-a-vis assisted suicide and medical marijuana underscore the fact that he's no conservative, but merely an old-school fascist.

Your superior correspondents have also been wondering how long Vice President Dick "Undisclosed Secure Location" Cheney will be around. We believe Tom Ridge's appointment as head ramrod of homeland security was a clear indication that Dubya is hedging his bets with his formidable but medically shaky veep -- a guy who could be one slice of steamship round away from purchasing the farm. We figure it was Daddy who made W take Cheney in the first place, and now that he's got his walkin' 'n' gum-chewin' presidential rhythms down, he'll revert to his first choice, Ridge.

But W needs to burnish the former Pennsylvania governor's name recognition, hence the homeland security gig. He certainly didn't get the nod because he's got any experience or known aptitude in "homeland security." If merit or ability were the prime consideration, wouldn't the appointment go to someone with an extensive military or law enforcement background?

Finally, what's with all the generic nationwide terrorist alerts? What is the point of these "warnings" with virtually no hint of when, where, what, who, or how? Is there some action or posture the average citizen can take that will help? Or is it the fact that by keeping everyone frightened, the Bush Administration will have more sway in passing the sort of civil liberties-restricting legislation its been specializing in lately?