One would hope and expect that the CIA would take it very seriously when a known terrorist such as bin Laden publicly states that he intends to launch holy war against America, especially when he's shown himself capable of organizing nearly simultaneous embassy bombings in Dar es Salaam and Nairobi, and sending his men to blow a hole the size of a small house in the side of the Cole. Instead, it appears the threats were taken almost as, "Oh, there goes that bin Laden again. He's such a character."

Asked whether the FBI knew the kamikaze pilots had received flight training in the US, Mueller disgraced himself and his agency when, three days after the attack, he gave out a, "Gosh, we didn't know that!" answer. It was revealed a few days later that the FBI did indeed know about suspected terrorists at American flight schools.

Incompetence is bad enough when it leads to mass murder. But it's simply heinous when Americans are looking to the government with trust and wanting nothing more than to be reassured by our leaders. (Although Pretty P suggests Mueller is already doing involuntary penance by having to hang out 24/7 with the unctuous John Ashcroft.)

Speaking of raising eyebrows, who in God's name is responsible for assigning titles to our military operations? "Infinite Justice" sounds like something that would be coined by a Weekly World News editor who's addicted to watching TV evangelists and drinking Jim Beam straight from the bottle in his desk drawer. Not only that, but it succeeds in riling up Muslims even more (as did Dubya's announcement about a "crusade"), since only Allah is believed to be capable of administering infinite justice. (Come to think of it, though, it might be nice to put that theory to rest with a few justly placed missiles.)

P&J figure the military-ops genius with the dog-eared dictionary may have really wanted to call the American response "Infinite Jest," a la the David Foster Wallace novel, as it, too, is going to be long, tough to get through, and our enemies will not be laughing when it's all over.

But seriously, as bad times are here, we hope people will take the opportunity to review the history of the Middle East, because you can't get a grasp of what has created this hatred toward the West unless you understand it. Perhaps we can look at our foreign policy of the last 60 years or so. It's helpful to understand how the French and British arrogantly carved up the Arabian Peninsula for the benefit of the West (and to the detriment of the native people there), and how the USSR's invasion of Afghanistan set the stage for the ascendancy of the Taliban, as well as bin Laden. Not to mention how the United States trained and supplied the Afghan resistance, and then, when the Soviets moved out, dropped them like a hot potato, failing to come through with promised humanitarian aid.

There's a long and complicated story here and it's not pretty. While nothing justifies the horrors of September 11, those of us in the United States could stand to learn quite a bit more about the situation. If you don't think there have been egregious failures and many stupid, arrogant moves in our foreign policy over the years, you'll remain in the dark as to why this terrible crime has occurred (or naively believe in some sort of simplistic good guy/bad guy world). The more we understand, the greater our capacity to act and respond in ways that won't end up with greater and greater death and destruction.

By the way, people who think we're being "unpatriotic" in saying things like this probably don't have a clue as to why the USA is great.

The fact that Richie became famous by running around naked on one of the more worthless television shows of all time shouldn't detract from his achievement of remaining in the media's eye without having anything to offer. He's not funny, he can't sing, he can't dance, he can't act, and he has nothing of value to say. Yet he manages to entertain the living shit out of us just by being Richard.

Richie hit the headlines once again this week when, in a non-jury trial, District Court Judge Robert Pirraglia found him guilty of using excessive force in removing Glenn Boyanowski, a former boyfriend and the caretaker of his 11-year-old son, from his house on August 20. Hatch was sentenced to a year's probation and a no-contact order was imposed.

As soon as the judge announced the finding of guilt, Hatch started arguing with him, stopping only when Pirraglia threatened him with a charge of contempt. Richie's response when he left the court? He claimed Pirraglia "didn't listen to the evidence," he called the decision "ludicrous," and then screamed at the prosecutor, "It's sad, it's really sad, Frank."

If anyone understands excessive force, it would be Judge Pirraglia, who undoubtedly must resort to such means in order to force his amazing rug on every morning. As for Richie, whose apparent time in the spotlight has led him to believe that everyone else on Earth is wrong and he's right, time's up.

There is, of course, a moral to this story. If you're a guy and you're going to slap a woman around in public, it's a good idea to be a police chief. That way, days or even weeks, might pass before you're arrested or charged, even if there are dozens of witnesses and clear evidence of physical injury to the alleged victim. Also, unlike the usual perp, you'll get a police escort home and be able to successfully apply for medical leave the next day.

While we do believe in the concept of being "innocent until proven guilty," it does seem the presumption of innocence is greater for some people than for others, and this presumption is based more on their relationship to law enforcement than the immediate and obvious evidence. If someone can persuade us that we're wrong here, we'd like to hear about it.

Accompanying text explained how, only two days after the attack, Falwell said on Robertson's TV show that the country "probably got what we deserved." Why? Because "pagans," "abortionists," "feminists," "gays and lesbians," and even the ever-popular ACLU and People for the American Way on America helped make the attack possible through their free-thinking ways. (See this space last week.)

Robertson backed up Falwell, exulting, "Jerry, that's my feeling." These two Neanderthals and bogus God-botherers are no better than the Taliban hate-mongers and their ilk, and we were happy when the venerable Times called them on this. The ad also appealed to the major news outlets to stop booking Falwell and Robertson on their shows, thereby legitimizing these incredibly ignorant and intolerant views. This advice is something we'd all do well to remind these outlets of at every opportunity.

. . . to Trinity Rep and the cast of Noises Off, which P&J attended Sunday past. A farce of this quality and inanity proved a good antidote to the days of grief and emotion we've recently been experiencing. Phillipe shed tears from laughter throughout the performance, a welcome change from choking up at the sights and sounds of America's tragedy. Cynthia Strickland is the brightest light among a full cast of talented comedy players, including P&J's all-time Trinity fave, Tim Crowe. We urge you to let this wonderful production wash out your mind for at least a few hours. It's definitely cheaper than therapy.

Send pulchritudinous offerings and Pulitzer-grade tips to p&j[a]phx.com.

Issue Date: September 28 - October 4, 2001