Times are fast at John Hughes High. Footballers like "Token Black Guy" and "Stupid Fat Guy" do their thing at Harry Dean Stadium. Three "Desperate Virgins," precariously concealed in a bathroom air duct, spy on a defecating "Bitchy Cheerleader." And "Pretty Ugly Girl" Janey Briggs does her best to coast through a marginalized high-school existence and put up with her grotesque, pie-fucking dad (Randy Quaid, who should be ashamed). You can probably guess what happens when "Popular Jock" bets "Cocky Blond Guy" he can transform Janey into prom-queen material: a locker full of predictable parody and sophomoric scatology.

First-time director Joel Gallen is a long-time MTV producer, so he knows whence he speaks -- even if a ton of his jokes are, like, totally lame. The sheer number of allusions he's able to cram into this short flick is impressive, their facile spoofing notwithstanding. But to judge by the fresh-faced, Oxy-clean crowd that packed the screening I attended, one wonders whether some audience members aren't too young to appreciate most of them. Would today's teens appreciate the way Breakfast Club detention send-up features almost verbatim dialogue and the real Mr. Vernon? Do kids still watch Some Kind of Wonderful? Maybe I'm just getting old. But a cameo at the end by a certain redheaded teen-movie staple is a reminder that we all are. At the Apple Valley, Entertainment, Flagship, Holiday, Hoyts Providence 16, Showcase, and Tri-Boro cinemas.