Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend recently brought home a CD by Ike Turner. I objected to this since Ike Turner was very abusive to his ex-wife, the great Tina Turner. My boyfriend claims that enjoying music should not necessarily have anything to do with this, and that you have to separate someone's personal life from their artistic life. Who's right here?
-- Distressed in Duxbury

Dear Distressed,
You're not going to like this, but I side with your boyfriend on this one. Dr. Lovemonkey also considers Ike Turner to be an important artist. I think you can admire a person's work and still find them to be a less than admirable person. There are so many example of this that it boggles the mind.

Take Frank Sinatra, please (to paraphrase the late Henny Youngman). Frankie, obviously a little rough around the edges, was frequently guilty of loutish and unbecoming behavior. Sinatra also recorded some great, great records, and he was one of the most important interpreters of American songs. I can listen to "I Concentrate on You" and "Witchcraft" without having to think about him eating bacon and eggs off the naked buttocks of a Vegas hooker.

Do we have to disqualify Picasso's work because he, too, was abusive to women or skip the Bob Dylan oeuvre because he exhibited some misanthropic tendencies? If sterling personal character becomes the criteria for appreciating a person's art, you may be left listening to the rock 'n' roll of Pat Boone while ignoring Chuck Berry.

Of course, it would be appropriate to despise the work if, for instance, Ike Turner put out a concept album trying to rationalize or defend his abusive behavior toward Tina, but I don't believe that is what he's done here. You can also decide that you don't want your hard-earned dollars going into Ike's pocket. Personally, however, I will continue to watch Peter Sellers on film and listen to Sinatra sing songs for lonesome lovers.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My wife and I are about to celebrate our fifth anniversary and we're planning a party for the event. The problem is that her father is always on my case. He makes negative comments about me and frequently seems to suggest that I am not good enough for his daughter. I'd like to invite other members of our family to the celebration, but not him. My wife says that this isn't possible. Is there a way that I can go about it?
-- Tired of the Nitpicking

Dear Tired,
'Fraid not. If you are inviting family, it would be far too rude to not invite the father-in-law. You'll just have to suck it up and put up with him for the evening. When you marry, you marry into families. That certain members of the family do not always get along is regrettable, but a fact of life nonetheless. You could always have a celebration with just friends and no family, but if you're inviting other members of your immediate families, it is only proper to invite the father as well. Perhaps he'll surprise you and be on his best behavior. Grin and bear it.

Issue Date: November 1 - 7, 2002