Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am a 45-year-old mother with a 15-year-old daughter. I met a divorced man who is also 45. I think he's interested in me, but I can't tell for sure. I've been trying to get to know him better, but I'm very sensitive about appearing too pushy. He has been to my house because he's a salesman and has been trying to sell me some of his products, mostly hair care and skin stuff.

I'm not sure if he really likes me or is just trying to make a sale. He's suggested that I invite some friends when he next brings his product line. Should I show him that I'm interested? How would I go about doing this?
-- Miss Jane

Dear Miss Jane,
I'd suggest inviting him out for coffee. The important thing is to try to cultivate a personal relationship away from the business one. From what you tell me, I see no evidence of his personal interest in you, but perhaps there are other things going on. You should make a point of seeing him outside of his sales business, and when you socialize, avoid talking about anything to do with his product line. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
In reading your column, I notice that you give examples or go on to explain things in terms of popular culture. Since you're such a pop culture buff and I'm a dedicated reader of your column, I'm wondering what your favorite song is.
-- Ms. Kitty

Dear Ms. Kitty,
Like a lot of people, my favorite song changes from time to time, depending on my mood and a number of other variables. Sometimes it's a song from Astor Piazzolla's Tango: Zero Hour record, called "Milonga del Angel," and sometimes it's the Jerome Kern chestnut, "The Way You Look Tonight" (I like both the Frank Sinatra and Fred Astaire versions of this). Sometimes it's "I Love You, You Big Dummy," by Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band, sometimes it's Sinatra's definitive recording of Cole Porter's "I Concentrate on You," and sometimes it's Bob Dylan's "Desolation Row" or Nina Simone's "Do What You Gotta Do." In short, I really don't know how to answer your question.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I've been going out with my boyfriend for five years. We are happy most of the time, but we have our little problems like everyone else. Lately, my boyfriend has pointed out something that I realize is a problem. When we go out with friends, I start an argument with my boyfriend in front of other people. He says it seems like I do this for a power trip. He is very thoughtful and doesn't mention this to me until later when we're by ourselves. He tells me it embarrasses him and that if I have a disagreement with him, I should wait and bring it up in private. I'm not sure why I do this, but I know it's true. He is a great guy and I don't want to hurt him, embarrass him, or lose him. How can I stop? Why do I do this?
-- Worried in Warwick

Dear Worried in Warwick,
I wouldn't call it an ego trip, but perhaps there's an element of insecurity that leads you to do this. Maybe you want people to realize that you're intelligent and think independently. Think on this for a while and see if it might be the case. You have already made the important first step of realizing that this is a problem and wanting to change it.

Issue Date: September 13 - 19, 2002