Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have a friend who is 19 years old and trying to become a dominatrix. She says to me all the time that she wants to dominate, but she doesn't know how to approach becoming a dom. Being a sub, I am only of limited help.

I was wondering if you could offer any links or info about groups in the Twin Cities, Minnesota, area that she might be able to use to become what she has always wanted to be -- a dom. I would be greatly appreciative if you would send me any links or info. Thank you.
-- Dave

Dear Dave,
Why do you assume that Dr. Lovemonkey has links, connections, or info about the dominatrix scene in Minneapolis/St. Paul? A cursory examination of a few columns would reveal a few things: Dr. Lovemonkey's home turf is in New England (Providence, Rhode Island, to be exact); Dr.Lovemonkey has only a slight familiarity with the S&M "community" in the Northeast; and Dr. Lovemonkey associates "Dom" with either DeLuise or DiMaggio, and "Sub" with a sandwich or a regrettable new Harrison Ford film.

I would suspect that you, Dave, have far more knowledge and a better ability to than the Doctor to research potential opportunities in the dominatrix game.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a 27-year-old male and I'm really crazy about a 25-year-old woman I met almost a year ago. Although neither of us have ever married, she was with another guy for five years. They broke up around the same time that we first met (she has told me it was he who broke it off with her). She has been very honest and open about her relationship with this guy.

A couple of months after we met, things started to heat up, but after only a couple of weeks, she backed off, telling me she wasn't ready for anything heavy or intimate at the time. A little while later, she told me she was trying to come to some sort of terms with her former boyfriend. She was trying to figure out if she should move on or give it another try. She was also going to counseling sessions with him.

Basically, is it smart for me to giver her space and try to hang in there, or should I just forget about it? This guy has broken up with her a couple of times before and I imagine this is what will happen this time, too. On the other hand, they might actually make the commitment to get married.

Where does all this leave me? I would definitely wait, but would this be wise? I really love her, but I don't want to get hurt. Help!
-- Mr. Anguish

Dear Mr. Anguish,
There certainly is a good chance that the woman of your dreams will finally break it off with her ex, but the back and forth has been going on for five years and shows no sign of abating. For your own peace of mind, the best course of action is for you to start seeing someone else. It need not be a big serious thing -- just something with someone who's on a similar wavelength and wants to have a little fun.

Even if the target of your affection does break up with the beau, she's likely to be in a fragile emotional state for some time, and you would do well to give her plenty of time to heal.

Issue Date: August 16 - 22, 2002