Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
How can I tell a guy on the bus that his zipper is down without embarrassing him or making him think I was staring at his crotch?
-- The Fly

Dear The Fly,
Who sez you weren't staring at his crotch? Here you are, riding around aimlessly, perhaps looking for love and romance, and you see an interesting looking fellow. Naturally, your eyes wander down to his "area" and you notice that his zipper is down. This is disappointing because you thought this might be a potential intimate, but you can't imagine yourself with someone so unaware (or lazy) to not notice that his fly is down.

Just for argument's sake, let's pretend you weren't actually staring at this man's crotch. You indeed wish to be a good Samaritan and inform him of his faux pas. There probably isn't any way to do this without momentarily embarrassing him. But think! The level of embarrassment would be far less than any number of other scenarios that might ensue if the situation goes unaddressed. In fact, I'll bet that while you are riding aimlessly about, you've probably imagined many of these humiliating scenarios.

So, don't worry what the guy might think of you or that you might provoke some embarrassment. You are doing the other fellow a favor, and, more likely than not, he will say to you, "thank you, very much."

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
In the case of "L.J.", who recently wrote about how his girlfriend has become verbally abusive toward him: get rid of the bitch. I went through the same thing. Relations with my girlfriend were excellent when we were together alone. But, like L.J.'s girlfriend, she would hit me with verbal Scud missiles when we were around other people. It only got worse if we were around any of her girlfriends.

Behavior like this will really destroy you, both mentally and emotionally. Do what I did - kick the bitch to the curb and move forward with your life.
-- In Scott

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
As a 23-year-old woman, I'm sick and tired of the games that single people play. Guys in bars want only one night stands. My question is, where can a young single girl meet guys who are interested in more than sex? I gave up on bars a long time ago, but have yet to find anything else.
-- Alone and Frustrated

Dear Alone and Frustrated,
This is one of those questions that frequently pop up, so I'll reiterate my past advice, general as it might be. You know what you enjoy and which activities you like to pursue. The idea is to pursue these activities with a group of people who share similar interests. For instance, if you enjoy reading, even though this is a solitary activity, there are many book clubs and groups. Dr. Lovemonkey's sister-in-law has been involved in one of these groups for a number of years, and, even though she is not searching for romance (she's happily married with two daughters), she speaks highly of the sociability of the group.

There are many similar activities, groups, and organizations. If you haven't already, check the Arts section of the Phoenix.

Issue Date: July 25 - 31, 2002