Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My girlfriend is just about to get out of prison and she's told me that the first thing she wants to do is to arrange a threesome with me and another guy. I'm a little concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship, but I can understand her desire after having been locked up for a couple of years. Any ideas on how I should go about this?
-- J.T.

Dear J.T>,
Establish which direction she'll be coming from and then head in the opposite one with all due haste.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have a friend with whom I talk to on the phone every day. Over the past few months, we've become best friends and spend time together when possible. The thing is, she has been engaged to another guy for more than a year now. How can I find out the depth of her commitment to her fiancé and whether she has any romantic interest in me, without being too blatant?
-- In Limbo

Dear In Limbo,
Limbo under this, you bonehead. My advice, when someone else is in a committed relationship, is back off. If you really want to know how her relationship with her fiancé is going, ask about what they do together and how they get along. Notice how she describes him. Unless she gives you some strong indications that something is wrong or bad with her relationship, you should stop pursuing this.

It's a good and wonderful thing to have a friend, and you are definitely in danger of losing this if you start interfering with her relationship. I'd

suggest you forget about it unless you have some very good reason to believe she's unhappy.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a 24-year-old woman. I've had a few relationships (none more than a year-and-a-half in length) and am now, seemingly, about to have another. The problem is that although this guy has told me he's attracted to me, he hasn't really taken much initiative. When he mentioned his attraction, he wasn't sure how I felt about him and also said that he likes it when the woman is more aggressive.

Sometimes he calls, but this is often days apart. Other times, I've called him and it might take a day or two for him to get back to me. Once I didn't call for a week and when he finally called me back, he asked if I was dropping him or if I had decided that I wasn't interested anymore. He did this in a lighthearted, humorous way, but I wasn't sure what was going on.

Okay, so my original plan to play "hard to get" is obviously not going to work in this case. What I want to know from you, Dr. Lovemonkey, is, is there any way I can tell about his interest level? Are there any signals I can watch for?
-- Confused

Dear Confused,
His interest in spending time with you is the ultimate indicator of his level of seriousness. Does he ask you out when he calls? Is he anxious to see you and do things together? If this is the case, then there's real interest. If not, it could be he's playing some sort of game and is more interested in having his ego massaged than having a real relationship.

I would play a little more hard to get, as was your original strategy. At this point, he's either interested or he's jerking you around. Let him make a move. Don't get sucked into chasing him all the time. If you're the one who's doing this, he doesn't have to do anything and -- guess what? -- he won't. So let him engage in a bit of pursuit. Change your behavior and he'll have to change his if he's really interested. If he continues to hold back and insists on you making the first move, forget about it.

Issue Date: July 19 - 25, 2002