Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I heard that there was some kind of family feud going on between the daughters of Ann Landers and Dear Abby. I'm pretty sure that Ann and Abby were sisters. What's this all about?
-- Inquiring Mind

Dear Inquiring Mind,
Perhaps you believe that all of us advice columnists meet regularly to compare notes and air dirty laundry. This, of course, is note true. Dr. Lovemonkey has never met Ann Landers or Dear Abby, although I've always admired their stolid hairdos from afar. This said, I can't tell you how thrilled I am to move from the realm of advice to gossip, even if for just this one question.

All I can tell you is what has been in the newspapers. Yes, Ann and Abby were sisters, twin sisters to be exact (real names: Eppie Lederer and Pauline Phillips, respectively). During their long tenures as rival advice columnists, they sometimes engaged in public feuds. It was reported that the sisters didn't speak to each other for years after a disagreement over the creation of the two columns. Battles within this clan are nothing new.

It seems that within days of Eppie Lederer's death on Saturday, June 22, Jeanne Phillips, Lederer's niece, the daughter of Pauline "Dear Abby" Phillips, made a tearful appearance on Larry King's show on CNN, expressing grief and sorrow at the passing of her aunt. Her cousin, Margo Howard, daughter of Eppie/Ann, took umbrage. She released a statement to the press, stating that cousin Pauline has "had no relationship with my mother in decades. She has added to my distress at a very sad time in my life."

As with the mothers, the daughters' urinating contest has to do with dueling advice columns and the big bucks they can bring in through syndication. (Dr. Lovemonkey must sadly acknowledge that he's not syndicated and appears only in Phoenix publications, therefore missing the potential windfall.) Cousin Pauline took over the Dear Abby franchise some time ago, while Cousin Margo pens a column, called "Dear Prudence," for the www.slate.com Web site.

It seems as if Dear Abby's syndicate would like to place the column in the hundreds of papers that carried Ann Landers. Meanwhile, the syndicate that represented Ann Landers is offering a package of Dear Prudence columns, along with a new item called "Annie's Mailbox," written by two longtime associates of Eppie/Ann, even though Eppie/Ann left instructions that her Ann Landers column would cease to exist upon her death.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I've been engaged to a man for the past six months, but I've found out some things that are reason enough to call off the engagement. It has come to my attention that my guy has hit on at least two friends of mine in the time that we've been engaged. They told me this with a great deal of sorrow. There was no reason to tell me other than the fact it was lousy of him to do such a thing, and they think he's definitely not the guy for me. I agree with them.

I am going to call off this engagement. My question is, do I give the engagement ring back or should I keep it?
-- Angry and Wondering

Dear Angry and Wondering,
Even though your fiance acted like a cad, the correct thing to do is to give the ring back. The engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of the intention to marry and you are not going to marry him (which, by the way, is a good move on your part). I understand that it was a gift and has personal value, but its more profound value is as a symbol -- and this symbol has no meaning now. Take the high road and return the ring.

Issue Date: July 5 - 11, 2002