Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
About a month ago, I was in California and got to witness the movie premiere for Spider-Man. I had a really good spot in line when the star of the film, Tobey Maguire, came walking right toward me. I asked for an autograph, but he wouldn't even look at me. I was two feet away and there's no way he couldn't have heard me. So what if he's a big star, this was still very rude. What do you think?
-- Irritated

Dear Irritated,
Movie stars and other celebrities are not required to sign autographs. My general rule of thumb in determining rudeness depends on whether the particular celebrity is "on duty." If they're in "civilian" mode (having dinner, shopping, hanging out with friends), it's actually the autograph-seeker who's being rude. However, when celebs are "on duty," it would be rude for the celebrity not to acknowledge his or her fans.

It's worth noting that Autograph Collector magazine recently named Mr. Maguire one of the least friendly celebrities. Heading up this dubious list are Russell Crowe and Britney Spears, along with Catherine Zeta-Jones, Alyssa Milano, Alanis Morissette, Neve Campbell, and the perpetually surly Alec Baldwin. Sean Penn has either changed his ways or been given a reprieve this year. On the other hand, those cited as "friendliest" and "most accessible" include Brittany Murphy, Frankie Muniz, Tara Reid, Drew Carey, Tom Hanks, Shakira, Willie Nelson, Matt Damon, Billy Bob Thornton, and Sir Ian McKellen. Thought you might want to know.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a 30-year-old woman and have been married for 10 years. I have a wonderful husband and two children. Here's my problem: I went on vacation with a girlfriend a month ago and met this great 28-year-old guy. We hit it off immediately and I had a wonderful time. I felt completely at ease with him. No, we didn't have a sexual relationship.

We've e-mailed each other a number of times since then and he has brought up the prospect of romance. Not fully satisfied in my marriage, I am very tempted in this new direction. This could be "THE GUY" for me, and from a certain perspective, I feel it would be wrong to pass on something that, in many ways, seems "meant to be." On the other hand, I don't want to hurt anyone. I've always been faithful to my husband and he's always been faithful to me. I'm confused and afraid to make this leap. Can you help me?
-- Smitten and Confused

Dear Smitten and Confused,
Stop now. What you are going through is in the realm of fantasy. You met this person for a brief time when you were on vacation, without care and responsibility. You have a family, a husband, and it sounds as if he loves you and you love him, despite the fact that you've been having some difficulties.

Your focus and energy should be on your marriage. Counseling might be of help to you and your husband. You can't continue your dalliance with this other man without hurting everyone in your family. I also have to wonder about a man who would encourage a romantic relationship when he knows that you're married and have children. This is a bad and dangerous road and you should get off it immediately. Work it out with the man with whom you have a mutual commitment.

Issue Date: June 27 - July 4, 2002