Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix, 150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to rcheeks[a]phx.com.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend, with whom I've been going out for almost seven months, recently started snorting heroin. I told him this was very bad, that I was scared, and that if he doesn't stop, I'll break up with him. He said I should take it easy, that it's not like he's shooting up or anything. He also said he only does it on weekends and that he's not hooked or anything. What should I say? What should I do?
-- Scared

Dear Scared,
Break up with him immediately and tell him that he's making a big, big mistake. Urge him to stop it immediately, and if he doesn't, get out as fast as you can. You can tell by his attitude that he's on the road to addiction. It's just as easy to become addicted to an opiate by snorting or smoking as by intravenous injection. That he's currently doing it only on weekends means nothing

He'll soon decide to start the weekend on Thursday, then Wednesday, and pretty soon it will be every day or else he'll get sick. Heroin is an incredibly insidious drug. A person is already in big trouble if they try to downplay the addictive nature or claim that they aren't at risk because they're only snorting it. You can only tell your beau to stop. You can't rescue him -- he has to rescue himself. If he doesn't do that, the best thing you can do for him is to leave.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I kind of like this guy in school, but I also have a feeling that I don't want to go out with him. Just about every time I see him, he asks me out, and he calls me all the time. I told him that I don't want a boyfriend right now, and when he calls, he always says, are you ready to have a boyfriend? He says he's willing to wait, but I don't want to wait and I don't really want to go out with him. What should I do?
-- Happy To Be Alone

Dear Happy To Be Alone,
Time to lose Mr. Sensitivity. While there's a certain justification for his feelings about distilleries, Wal-Mart, and the like, it sounds like his approach is rather scattershot. He may be trying to develop a certain consciousness and perspective on how to deal with a world that he finds hypocritical and greedy, but this consciousness is still in an embryonic stage and he's being arrogant and hypocritical himself.

It's a good thing to try to make principled decisions in an all-too-frequently unprincipled world, but when people start making pronouncements about what's right and wrong to your family, friends, and loved ones, they can get a bit carried away with themselves. Do yourself a favor, break off the intimate relationship with this guy and let him grow up a little. Either that or learn to live with his Senor Self Righteousness because he's a work in progress.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
One night I went out to a club and heard this great band. I struck up a conversation with the singer and we hit if off pretty good. A week later I went back to see them again and things continued. They were really, really good, especially Karl, the singer in question.

I am 39 and have been divorced for five years. He is 31 and has had a string of unhappy relationships, but no marriages or children. I have a daughter who's 15. Karl and I started seeing each other and he broke off his latest bad relationship (he says he was about to anyway), and things were going pretty good. Then, he lost his job and I offered to let him move in with us temporarily.

He's been here for almost a year now and things have gotten worse. My daughter doesn't like him and says he told her that he cares more about his music than me or anything else. He uses my phone all the time to do bookings and runs up the bill. He hasn't gotten another day job, and I really don't think that he's tried too hard. He's totally focused on his music, and, as I said, he is very good. I want to be supportive, but things have broken down completely between us. I don't want to kick him out since he has nowhere to go and he's got a CD coming out that might really make some waves. What should I do?
-- Confused

Dear Confused,
Boot the loser out and don't look back. He's using you and if somehow he scores in the music business (and that's always a long shot, no matter how good he is), he'll dump you in a nanosecond and conveniently forget the help and support you've provided. Lose him quick.

Issue Date: June 21 - 27, 2002