Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Here's a really complicated situation. I feel like I'm in junior high all
over again! I was dating M. for a while, and his friend, K., decided it would
be cool to spread lies about us, so that M. would break up with me. K. told a
million people (including M.) that I was sleeping with five other guys behind
his back, and that M. was really in love with K., but just didn't know
it.
She's come up with many more "stories," but I won't list them all because
they're endless. I found out later that K. was doing this because she was
trying to get with M. M. and I eventually broke up, primarily due to this
situation. After things settled, I told M. what K. was really about and he
realized that she's crazy. But that doesn't stop her from going around, STILL
telling a million other people more ridiculous lies. I haven't confronted K.
because I realize she's just crazy and she'll probably just come up with even
more ridiculous lies.
What should I do? Any help is good.
Dear Troubled,
Because M. readily understood that this woman was a liar and a force for
destruction, many others in your network of friends and acquaintances may also
be aware of this fact. She is digging her own grave. My only advice would be
that you (and M. and any of your other friends with an ounce of intelligence)
should stay as far away from K. as possible. Have nothing to do with her.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
About a year ago, I began corresponding with a man who was serving time for
a non-violent white-collar crime. I've been to see him a few times, and in the
past few months, things have progressed to the point where we're discussing
getting married when he gets out, which will be in three months.
My problem is that I haven't told any of my family or friends about him and
our relationship. I don't think they would understand and I'm uncertain as to
how to break the news to them -- especially my mother and father. Have you any
ideas on how to bring up this subject with the least amount of conflict?
Dear In,
I'd say you have a much bigger problem than breaking the news to your family
and friends. This man has been in prison, living in an atmosphere and with
conditions that are far removed from those in the outside world. He will be
facing some serious adjustment problems when he gets out.
There's also the fact that your relationship has taken place entirely in the
context of him being in prison and you being on the outside. That you have
developed a strong relationship within that situation is no guarantee that you
will be able to continue to cultivate it when he is released.
I would suggest that you decelerate a bit. Delay the wedding plans for a while
and concentrate on the many new and different challenges that both of you will
be facing when he gets out. The outcome of some of these challenges is nearly
impossible to predict at this time.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
This girl I've been seeing recently ended up getting addicted to crack
after one of her friends gave her some one night and she didn't know it. She
ended up doing it a few more times before she understood what she was doing and
now she's hooked.
I care about her an awful lot and have offered to pay for her to go to
rehab, but she will not take my money. What can I do?
-- Worried and Frustrated
Dear Worried,
You can get the hell out of there. Nobody takes crack by accident. If you
believe that, maybe you believe that Monica Lewinsky blew Bill Clinton "by
accident." It's not that she won't take your money -- she just doesn't want to
quit or go to rehab now. Tell her you'll pay for the rehab, but demand that she
do it now or you won't have anything to do with her anymore. That's about all
you can do because, when it comes to addiction, people have to do it for
themselves.
Issue Date: May 3 - 9, 2002
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)