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Last supper?
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I had been dating this guy for over a year when he up and moved to New York
last November. Although we tried to stay together, I thought it would be better
for us in the long run if he let me go. Many tears later, he still can't stop
himself. Now he wants me to go to his mother's house for Easter! I originally
broke things off because he's too young (26) and too beautiful to continue a
long-distant relationship while I foolishly expect him to remain faithful. I've
done all I can to convince him that it's forever that I want to be in his life,
but not for now, and that we should just stay apart until he's truly ready. Is
he grasping by inviting me to his Mom's house? Is it a big deal for a man to
bring a girl to a family holiday dinner?
It's a big deal in my family to bring someone to a holiday dinner. I don't
think this is part of the issue but I'm a white, Catholic girl from Maine and
he's the first-born son of a large black Baptist family in Florida. Does this
change anything? Even if his family is open-minded, won't his great grandmother
freak out when I reach for her hand during Grace?
Dear Anonymous,
Although families differ, it's generally considered serious when a date is
brought to a traditional family dinner. Although I can understand your
reluctance to engage in a long-distance relationship, your guy is obviously
struggling with it. Sure, he's grasping; undoubtedly, he's wrestling with the
whole commitment issue. I suspect a decision to either commit or break it off
entirely is not far off. Whatever it is, I hope things work out for the best
for the both of you.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Hello, I'm wondering if you can help me. A friend thought she had read an
article in the Providence Phoenix about something she called "quick"
dating. It's when you go and meet 20 of so possible dates in a short time
period, say, five minutes each. I'm a 52-year-old woman and I'm not really sure
how to go about meeting men these days. It's different for young people because
they still hang out with friends. I notice you advise them to go out with
friends to places they enjoy to meet like-minded people. At my age, that's not
exactly done. Anyway, if you have any ideas for me or if you know anything
about this "quick" dating thing, please let me know. If you could send me the
article to which I am referring, I'd really appreciate it.
Dear Lilly,
I searched the archives of the "Out There" columns since the beginning of this
year and was unable to find an article (or even a reference to) the "quick"
dating method. Perhaps it ran somewhere else in the paper or maybe your friend
saw it in another publication. If any of our readers recall seeing this, drop a
line to Dr. Lovemonkey and I'll pass along the information.
While I don't know anything about this quick dating, a five-minute interview
would not seem too different from sizing someone up in any other situation in
which you're spending a short amount of time. In fact, the daily non-structured
experience may be more telling since everyone in this "quick" scenario is aware
that they're being scrutinized and are likely to try to be on their best and
most charming behavior.
As you indicated, it's more difficult to meet potential dates or mates when
you are older, primarily because so many of the folks in your age bracket have
settled down and are not as socially active. Regardless of your age, however,
one has to leave the house and involve him or herself in some sort of social
endeavor. The best method is to find those social endeavors that you enjoy and
are comfortable with. Anything from book clubs to nightclubs, square dancing to
volunteer services, is a good possibility if you enjoy it and interacting with
others is an inherent component.
Issue Date: March 22 - 28, 2002
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