Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I've been going out with a guy for about three months. After we'd been
together for about a week, I noticed a tattoo of a swastika on the back of his
left shoulder. When I asked him about it, he said it happened one night when he
was drunk and his friends told him that they were tattooing a lion or something
and he didn't find out what it was until after it was done.
Just a few days ago, I was over at his house when he was taking a shower. I
happened to notice that a shirt had fallen of a hanger in his closet and when I
went in to pick it up, I noticed a rolled up poster with a photograph of Hitler
on it. Also, I've met some of his friends, and a few of them have Confederate
flags or bumper stickers on their vehicles.
When I mentioned this to him, he says they're just his friends and he
doesn't necessarily agree with them on everything. I haven't confronted him
about the Hitler poster. Do you think I should?
Dear Puzzled,
I don't believe it's necessary to confront him about the poster. You have
compiled enough evidence, though, to convince Dr. Lovemonkey that if you don't
break it off with this guy immediately, he'll have you racing down to the dry
cleaners to get his sheets for the next Klan rally.
He was probably being honest when he told you that he doesn't always agree
with his friends who display the Confederate regalia. His Nazi veneration,
however, is a step beyond. The common denominator between the antebellum South
and the Third Reich is, of course, white supremacy.
Any decent person who "accidentally" had a swastika tattooed on their shoulder
would be desperate to have it removed as soon as possible (undoubtedly covering
it with a bandage until removal was feasible). Also, there's no logical reason
to explain why someone with a swastika tattoo on his shoulder would keep a
Hitler poster in his closet unless that person is a fan of evil. I suspect that
if you cased out the closet a bit more thoroughly, you would find his jackboots
as well.
Unless you like living dangerously or harbor racist attitudes of your own,
break it off immediately with this person.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend and I broke up after almost two years together last year
because he became interested in another woman. I'm 20 years old and she was 18.
He was only with her for a few months when he reentered my life. He told me he
was sorry, he was wrong, and that he'd broken up with this other woman. He said
he'd made a rash decision and wanted to try to work things out with me
again.
Anyway, in less than a month, he joined the Navy and he asked me to wait
for him to return home. I was totally willing to do that, but then I ran into
the other woman and she told me they hadn't broken up and that he had asked her
to wait for him, too. What should I do?
Dear Torn Up,
This guy isn't interested in having an exclusive committed relationship. If
you ask him about "monogamy," he'll tell you it's a board game in which you buy
real estate. You're young and this is one of those life experiences that you
can learn from. While it's undoubtedly painful, it's also obvious that this guy
is playing you and the other woman. Even though you've invested quite a bit of
time, this guy can't be trusted and trying to hold on will only bring more
heartbreak.
Issue Date: March 15 - 21, 2002
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)