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What affair?
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My husband and I have a good relationship. We work together to make our
marriage work. We are open about our feelings and seem to feel happy. Our sex
life is more than perfect. I just can't figure out why he's trying to make me
think he's having an affair. I know for certain that he isn't. Why would a man
do this? I'm very concerned that I'm making him feel insecure in some way. I
compliment him a lot and thank him for all the things he does.
Dear F.,
I could use a bit more information. Such as, what is he doing that makes you
think he wants you to think that he's having an affair? Might you be reading
this wrong? I don't know, but it's a possibility. Since you seem to have a
good, close, and trusting relationship, maybe the thing to do would be to ask
him, "Are you trying to get me to suspect you of having an affair?," and see
what he says. I can't really suggest too much without a bit more information
about your husband's behavior. If you provide me with some of the specifics,
I'll tell you what I think.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am 51 years old -- MA degree in theatre and an ex-Air Force and Army
officer. There are many things in my life that I'm proud of, but are also
many of which I'm ashamed -- missed opportunities, fouled relationships, and a
bout with alcoholism. The past is eating me alive. I want to move on and make
what time I have left productive, but I'm tortured into almost paralysis from
the dark side of my past. Any ideas? People seem to like me and there is
still a lot of talent, but my self-esteem is in the gutter.
Dear D.W.,
You're in need of far more professional and thorough help than can be provided
by Dr. Lovemonkey. You're probably familiar with 12-step programs like AA.
These are good places to start. All I would like to tell you is that you're
allowing the past to weigh you down. Everyone has missed opportunities and done
things of which they're ashamed. You should seek therapeutic help to develop
techniques to overcome stressing about these things. Self-esteem may not be the
problem, but whatever it is, you're allowing it to hold you back.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I recently asked my boyfriend about his biggest sexual fantasy and he told
me that it involved having sex with me and another woman. Much as I like to be
open-minded about things, I'm not interested in, nor turned on by, my
boyfriend's fixation on
the two-women scenario. Although I have no intention of doing this, I'd like
to know how common this fantasy is among men, and if it's quite popular, as I
suspect, why?
Dear I Don't Get It,
The having-sex-with-two-women scenario is about as popular with men as
drinking too much beer during the Stupor Bowl. Dr. Lovemonkey suspects that
bedding two women and getting piss-drunk with the pigskin action are somehow
linked to the profound matter of "wanting to feel like a real man." They're
both astonishingly wrong answers to this age-old question, but men somehow keep
coming up with them. It could be that these notions are also perceived as
"fun." Up until the time, that is, when you start throwing up or foul up a good
relationship by introducing sex with a third party.
The latter would just be sport, a sport just as dumb as the codpiece ballet we
call football, where really big strong men in padded uniforms attempt to
destroy the future health of other big strong men in padded uniforms as we
watch and cheer.
Issue Date: February 8 - 14, 2002
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