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Get real
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I started seeing this guy while I was on vacation in Jamaica last year.
After a couple of days, things really heated up and we were together for the
rest of the week. At the end of the week, he told me that he was in a
relationship and lives with the woman. It was obvious to me that he was unhappy
in the relationship.
I didn't hear from him for six months and then I got a phone call at around
2:30 a.m. in which he told me that he was really unhappy at home. He didn't
say, however, that he was planning to leave or anything like that.
Should I be applying a little pressure? I don't really want to, but
although I'm willing to wait, I also feel lonely and waiting is really hard.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Dear Waiting,
Stop waiting. You were on vacation . . . no responsibilities . . . just having
fun . . . and you meet this guy. It's very easy for some guy to have a fling
for a few days and that's what this was, a fling. He sounds irresponsible and
you sound naïve. Forget about him. He wants to nestle back into that
little dream world you had together for a few days. And you're buying it. This
is not real. Go seek something that is.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
There's this woman who lives in my building. Every time I ask her out for
lunch, or coffee, or something, she says, "I have a boyfriend." What is the
best comeback line for something like this?
Dear Hot to Trot,
It's Dr. Lovemonkey's considered opinion that said woman is politely telling
you she isn't interested because she has an intimate relationship that she
doesn't wish to breach. Is there any part of this rather direct and honest
response that you do not understand? Go and find someone who is both available
and interested. This woman is neither and you are acting like a "chooch."
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Assuming that the person wearing the "Camptown Races" watch is someone with
normal sensibilities, his utter humiliation at his cheap timepiece's outburst
should be sufficient punishment. Certainly, when Dr. Lovemonkey has had similar
experiences, he has dreamed of rousing the audience at intermission, passing
out torches like the ones used by the villagers in most Frankenstein movies and
chasing the person that ruined the concert out of the theater. But this takes a
great deal of planning and effort, and one already has to go through enough of
that when attending a classic music concert or dance recital. The fussy
dressing alone takes a lot out of you, not to mention the challenge of having
to balance on your hind legs for those parts of the evening when you're not
seated.
You could, of course, carry an eight-by-10 photo of Bozo the Clown in your
jacket pocket and whip it out when the insult occurs, thrusting it into the
offending party's face. Dr. Lovemonkey can foresee the day when all handguns,
cell phones, and musical watches are confiscated at the symphony door, but
until that day arrives one must be aware that the cretins among us present a
constant threat. A brief glance reeking of contempt ought to be sufficient to
handle this.
Dear R.R.,
If he's recently divorced, there may be all sorts of things running through
his mind and prompting him to hesitate. If you see him in two weeks, approach
him in a humorous way. Tell him that you're interested and make him set a date.
If he continues to hedge, forget about it for the time being. It could be that
he's a bit scared and giving it a bit too much thought.
Issue Date: January 18 - 24, 2002
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