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Mercy me
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I need some advice with this one because it's really serious. I forgot my
girlfriend's birthday. We've been together for almost four years and this is
the first time that this has happened. She's really disappointed and unhappy
and I just hope that you know of some way that I can make amends for
this.
Dear Dumb Guy,
I hate to tell you, but there's no real way that you can make amends for such
a faux pas. Basically, beg for forgiveness, tell her how stupid you feel, don't
make excuses and be exceedingly thoughtful to her for the foreseeable future,
so she'll know how badly you feel. Forgetting birthdays, wedding anniversaries,
etc., is very bad business indeed and you need to throw yourself on the mercy
of the court.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
For the past year there's been this very rich (and I mean very rich) guy
that I ran into occasionally at social events. This came about because a good
friend of mine has a major position in his company. I'm now pretty much on the
permanent guest list for events that the company has and have been to a number
of them.
Okay, so the story is that this guy seems to be somewhat interested in me.
I can tell because he stares at me and has come up and talked to me a few
times. He's not married, good looking, and as I've said, incredibly rich.
Naturally, there are attractive women falling all over him and he has dated
some of this arm candy. The thing is, although he's made it clear that he's
interested in me in a number of subtle ways, it's too subtle. He hasn't asked
me out, and I get the feeling that if I were to make the move to ask him out,
it might be a big mistake. The fact that he's so desired by so many women is
not the big problem. The problem is that many of them are no doubt interested
in him for his money. He must know this and it could be one of the reasons why
he's still unmarried (he's in his late 30s).
The few times I've talked to him I've found him to be really smart, really
nice, and very interesting. I would love to go out with him, but am flummoxed
by his inability to take the next step. Should I continue to wait, or should I
ask him out and take the risk of blowing the whole thing before anything
actually happens?
Dear Tired of Waiting,
Wait for him and you'll undoubtedly wait forever. On the other hand, I think
you're probably right about his awareness that many women are interested in him
primarily for his money. If you ask him out, you run the risk of having him
lump you in with that group.
Wealthy and powerful people frequently feel a sense of entitlement that would
be mind-boggling to us mere mortals. Maybe his relationships come about only
when others ask him out. Who knows? My suggestion would be to approach him. Say
you've seen him noticing you and that you think he's a very nice guy and wonder
what's on his mind. It's a matter of being assertive without actually asking
him out. See what happens. Dr. Lovemonkey is a believer in the notion that the
rich, indeed, are different. Don't get your hopes up that anything will happen,
but give it a shot.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I've been unhappy in my marriage for a long time now. We have a
four-year-old son, and although we're not divorced, we are currently working on
a trial separation. I seriously doubt there's any chance that we'll be getting
back together. Anyway, I've been very close to a male friend during this time
and we've talked a lot about the situation. About a week ago, things got a
little out of hand and we had sex. The thing is, he's married and has kids
himself. I'm not sure what to do about this.
Dear J.R.,
What to do is to focus on your situation with your soon-to-be ex. Concentrate
on making decisions that will be best and most comfortable for your son. Stop
seeing this other married man. It does him no good, it does you no good, and
most importantly, it has the potential for being very bad for your son. Deal
with the problem at hand.
Issue Date: December 28, 2001 - January 3, 2002
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