I'm assuming that, as a college student, you haven't had to take on a great deal of responsibility. There are college students in positions of responsibility, of course, but the way in which you framed your question indicates that this isn't the case with you. I can also assume that the "professional woman" you're seeing has been operating from a position of responsibility - paying for her expenses, for example - for a few years. Certainly, this sort of contrast could make a person (particularly a male, when one takes into account Western cultural assumptions) feel a bit intimidated.

Is this the problem? Do you feel intimidated by the prospect of being with someone who has achieved much more than you have already? Discuss this with your new girlfriend and see if she understands why you might feel a little . . . impotent. What is it about you that she finds attractive? Is it your drive and energy, and what she sees as your potential? Or does she derive pleasure from having a great deal of control and dominance over her partners? These are the things that you might want to discuss with her.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for about two and half years and he recently announced that we were going to get married in the next six months. The problem is, he neglected to ask me if I wanted to. He also didn't bother to buy me a ring.

After this occurred (in public, of course), I talked to him and suggested that we might want to wait a few years to work on some financial issues (we're both in debt) before we seriously consider getting married. His response was, "Nonsense. We'll be able to work it all out."

We don't live together and never have. He lives with his parents. He works in a family company and has no real responsibilities. Cooking and housekeeping -- all that stuff -- is already taken care of.

Although I love him, my boyfriend's not ready to get married. He hasn't had the type of experiences in which he's had to take responsibility for anything and doesn't even realize it. I'm afraid to marry him, but he won't hear of changing the date. What should I do?

This does not mean that a) your boyfriend is an abuser; b) abusers are more likely to be Republicans; or c) life is usually a fairly accurate reflection of what happens on the Lifetime network. But, then again, all of these statements could turn out to be true. Can you afford to ignore them?

That your boyfriend is so controlling (forcing an engagement without input from you); thoughtless (not bothering to purchase a ring); and so arrogant and domineering (refusing to reconsider the situation after you've made some good suggestions) indicates that he's certainly not ready for marriage. Add to this the fact that he lives with his family and has had no experience with responsibility. I'd break it off immediately.

Issue Date: December 20 - 27, 2001