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Porn again
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
Whenever I'm not at home, my boyfriend is on the computer, looking at porn
(and other things too, but mostly porn). I know this because I can find out
which sites have been visited on our computer. I get very hurt and angry when I
see this. I haven't really confronted him about it because I don't know if I'm
being oversensitive (he'd say I'm insecure). If I do say something, it's
usually some quick sarcastic remark in reference to his endless search for
cyber tits and ass. He responds by saying, "whatever!" and completely blows me
off. Dr. L, I'm an attractive woman -- certainly not a prude -- our sex life is
very good, and our relationship is a good one (believe it or not). It's just
this one thing that bothers me. I don't understand why he has to outsource. Can
you help me?
Dear Sick and Tired,
It would be interesting to know the nature of the porn your boyfriend is
accessing. While it's not unusual for men to be interested in viewing women in
various stages of undress, the level of interest being exhibited by your
boyfriend seems a bit too avid. On the other hand, you shouldn't view this as
any lack of interest in you. As you say, your sex life is good and your
relationship is stable. I wouldn't be unduly alarmed, but I would say that his "hobby"
appears to be eating up a lot more time than is healthy.
Hang in there and assume that it's a phase he's going through. If his
unusually ardent interest in porn continues, I'd confront him with it again and
suggest counseling.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I frequently go shopping with my girlfriend and sometimes she'll try on a
dress and say to me, "Do I look fat in this?" I am of the opinion that this is
what you call a no-win situation. Is there any reasonable way that one can
respond to such a question?
Dear Caught,
You're right -- it is a no-win situation. Although you are being put in a very
difficult situation, there are a few rejoinders that would take the onus off
you. One would be to say, "Gee, you always look terrific to me," which, of
course, she's likely to reject as being non-responsive. On the other hand, she
might go for it and then you're in the clear. You could also say something
like, "It looks pretty good, but you know that I think that you look even
better in that other (name a dress she owns) one." This gives the impression
that you're paying attention to her clothes, which is probably not the case.
Dr. Lovemonkey thinks a really cool response would be to say, "No, you don't
look fat in that dress, but I think that I'd look fat in that dress." You'd run
the risk of being slapped in the face for not taking clothing as seriously as
you should, but your friends will love the anecdote.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I was going out with a guy for almost six months. He eventually broke up
with me. When I didn't understand why, he told me it was because he was gay. A
lot of our friends were not surprised to hear about this, but I was devastated.
I still run into him now and then, and he always tells me how much he likes me
and how great I look, but I can't help but think that there's something else
going on here. What do you think is going on?
Dear Truly Confused,
I think he's gay.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a little concerned about my kids listening to the ubiquitous Christmas
song "Back Door Santa." I don't think that they're old enough to deal with such
ribald sentiments. Is there any way that I can protect them from hearing this
seasonal tune?
Dear Thoughtful Parent,
I don't know as that you can protect your kids from "Back Door Santa." But if
they're young, they could handle an explanation of how some people just don't
have chimneys and Santa frequently must enter through the back door. No need to
get into lengthy discussions of the real deal.
Issue Date: December 13 - 20, 2001
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